Celebs Playing Dad

Brad Pitt playing Dad.
David Fincher scripts were bumming me out man.

Brad Pitt playing Dad again.
Floyd had to get off the couch sooner or later man.

Brad Pitt playing Dad again.
Don’t get me we wrong. I love killing Nazis and all. But revenge pics are so tired Tarantino. Unless, he pens one where Uma gets to gut Harvey in Grindhouse 2. I’m so much cooler than Johnny Depp.

Ben Affleck playing Dad.
Normally, dads don’t move to New York City after rehab in Malibu to curb their enthusiasm for boozing all night long.

Jeff Goldblum playing Dad.

2 kids later at 68. Jeff Goldblum feels right on schedule. I’m sure his boys will feel the same way when he forgets to zip his fly doing the Humpty at their Dino rocker themed Bar Mitzvah parties.

Ryan Phillipee playing Dad.
What, my agent can’t get me a recurring role on TV. I’ll take any role I can get.

Ryan Phillippe playing Dad again.

Does Reese, I mean mama ask about me anymore? Or has her love for daddy gone to pieces? Because of my cruel intentions of making her jealous by banging a younger actress before my cameo for Crash never materialized.

George Clooney playing Dad.

Clooney opened up how fatherhood changed his life once and for all. Let me guess. He no longer feels so distinguished. Plus, massive acid attacks in England made him flee back to rape wood in sunnier, walled surroundings.

Will Smith playing Dad.
What do you think of the dress dad? I think a tailor is in order. If you want another shot at rebooting an iconic movie franchise. But for kicks the dress looks adorable on you kid.

Neil Patrick Harris playing Dad.
I know Mario Cantone is funnier than me. I’m not a traditional stand-up comedian kids, remember? I thought you were just a child actor with good timing dada.

Ryan Reynolds playing Dad.
My boobs just didn’t pop out of nowhere girls.
But don’t sweat it. You’re bound to follow after mommy’s golden globes when it’s your time to pop.

David Beckham playing Dad.
Pele does bicycle kicks, not me kid. But I can show you how to kickstart your ab workouts into high gear in no time.
Chris Hemswoth playing dad.
I learned how to surf at Bondi Beach with Brody as my surf whisperer.
So hop on my back kid. You got nothing to fear when the ghost of Swayze is near.

Salman Kahn playing Dad.
Bollywood actor Salman Kahn wants to embrace fatherhood through surrogacy because he’s not marriage material. Or as they say in India. Why the buy the cow, when it’s not arranged or skewed in your bold, rich, and beautiful favor.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

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