Daddy Isn’t Pescatarian

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating meat?
Daddy
Sake Steamed Chicken with ginger and scallions.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian. I’ll drink another sake bomb to that.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are those meat tacos?
Daddy
Duck tacos actually.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
Duck skin doesn’t count.
Hipster cred beckons.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating meat?
Daddy
Cheese steak to be exact.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
I’ve got semi-sharp provolone left to put some hair on your nuts.

Int. Breakfast Table
Daughter
Is that sausage?
Daddy
Turkey Sausage actually.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
And I was eating Turkey Burgers in LA before Jeremy Piven on Entourage.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Is that a Field Roast from Whole Foods?
Dad
Traditional meatloaf with added veal meat for extra supple filling.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
Resist this.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating meat?
Daddy
Stir Fried, Hunan Beef.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Like the original super Jew Jesus Christ. Good for you.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating chicken?
Daddy
Fragrant Crispy Chicken.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
Doesn’t smell so yuck, yuck, anymore. Does it?
Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating chicken?
Daddy
Soy Sauce Chicken Wings.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
We ran out of blue cheese.
Carrots in Sun Butter instead?

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating chicken?
Daddy
Beggar’s Chicken.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
You want to dance for a nibble?

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating chicken?
Daddy
Oyster Chicken.
Son
But daddy were Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
I’ll save some Oyster sauce. You can dip my scallions in it.

Int. Dinner Table
Daughter
Are you eating chicken?
Daddy
Actually, Cantonese Pressed Duck.
Son
But daddy we’re Pescatarian.
Daddy
Daddy isn’t Pescatarian.
And I’ve been ducking this dish for years

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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