Funnier Dad Happier Baby Theories

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Do you play harmonica rib on Samuel for more howls of unrivaled, rip roaring delight?

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
No, we just play more together. Van Halen erupts on vinyl & he becomes my air guitar appendage for Christ sake.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
I instill more joy than you. After the bubble, I roll baby Samuel up into our 1 hundred dollar pink towel from our wedding & belt out Pink Cubano in the house.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Or you lack the comedic chops to lighten the mood with Samuel better than I do.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Stranger Anxiety only applies to my mother babe.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
I don’t persecute him for playful noshing either.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He’s my little wing man. We bond over hair metal ballads which fly high to the angels.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Do you smash your big noggin into his belly in the form of my falling putzy apple tree routine?

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
With me life is more beautiful. Our relationship runs deeper than mere milk transfer.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
You play him Classical Baby but I play him Neil Young on Spotify. Of course he feels cooler in my arms.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He said ball before boob. Plus, he ever fusses at the park watching daddy drain 3’s from way downtown.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
You’re so full of it. Just admit he likes me way better than you.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Then he’s the largest Ethiopian kid I’ve ever seen.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
I’m not the one who cuts baby off from more boob.
Is our bed an open milk bar or not?

Int. Home
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Or he was starved for Dada’s deeper embrace past more boob.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He did do a yummy dance in my honor after my veggie supreme casserole last night.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Aggressive huggers stick together babe.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
Funnier Dad, happier baby. Controlling my kids through comedy is only the tagline for my podcast. Feel free to check it out sometime.  I’m only at 44 episodes and counting.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
Nicknames create more personalized connections babe. Like when baby sticks his tongue out. His brother, sister and I yell Jabba, hut, hut, hike, in the house. He licks it up. Licks it up, oh, oh, oh!

By,

Michael Kornbluth

2 thoughts on “Funnier Dad Happier Baby Theories

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s