Bob Dylan’s Background Check Reveals

He got high with a Hussein dude in Kenya once from a huge peace pipe.

According to Bob, baby boomer rep Bette Midler thinks she’s the unsung Lenny Bruce of Broadway for some reason.

He’s had less number 1 hits on Billboard than Ashley Simpson. Then again, Masters of War isn’t your standard lip syncing material.

Dylan dumped Joan Baez because she began to sound too preachy banshee redundant for his taste.

Bob Dylan doesn’t understand the movie about him with Kate Blanchett either.

Dylan told his son Jakob, Bruce Springsteen is his only heir apparent he’s allowed to call the “Boss” with unquestioned authority.

Most Jews from the Bronx talk about Dylan in more loving, awe struck terms than the all mighty creator himself and tend to act morally superior deeper despite selling plastics for a living.

The Grateful Dead turned down his request to become a new member of the band. Jerry says. We’re grateful for you naming your album Dylan and the Dead even though we let you tour with us Bob.

Baby boomer arrogance never dies. Especially for thinking they’re still right about Trump being bad for US business interests. How much are you baby boomers worth exactly, before your Vanguard funds went through the roof?

Dylan almost didn’t perform at the Last Waltz because Robbie Robertson looked way better decked out in satin scarves and his accompanying Iceberg Slim Pimp Daddy hat than Zimmerman from Minnesota did.

Reveals a lingering bitterness over Warren Zevon doing a killer cover of Knocking on Heaven’s Door, right before he kicked the bucket. Crooning better than Dylan ever did against the dyin of the light.

The End


Michael Kornbluth




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