Random A List Jokes Today

Conservative Talk Radio great Michael Savage interviewing Ziggy Marley.
Studies prove excessive weed use lowers your sperm count.
Ziggy replies. My father had 12 kids. Fake news man.

Michael Savage’s follow up interview question for Ziggy Marley
Did you know 420 was Hitler’s Birthday?
Hits from the bong never felt so wrong.
Or you don’t think so Tuff Gong?

Crazy Good Dada Lunch Column
Dada, Shannon’s mom makes the best Brownies.
Shannon thinks peanut butter would be a yummy filling.
Just lay off brownies with weed in it. Total creepers. You won’t know whether you’ll be flying or dying.

My Elusive Money Maker Idea
Open up a speakeasy milk bar in Bushwick. And offer old school straws for greater bubble blowing power. Which will be considered contraband like Cubans before you know it.

Int. Trader Joes
Stay At Home Comedian
My baby boy his with his James Spader hair and future Vince Vaughn height. Will require a lawyer at all times to supervise the signing of pre-poundage forms on my son’s behalf.

Grandma laughs long time.

Int. Deli
White dude in a Red Sox hat waits for order.
Stay At Home Comedian
I didn’t catch the game last night. But I’m assuming Stephen King wasn’t caught bringing Stop Mass Hysteria out to the ball game.

My mom hates being compared to Stallone after I mentioned how he still does his own stunts at 73. Mom freaks. Well, I’m not Sly. It’s an unfair comparison mom. Knowing how you poop out from babysitting for 2 hours on a lazy Sunday. No offense.

Children Giving God
God didn’t give me 3 kids to have a panic attack over it.

Trusting My Gut Saved My Toddler From Brain Damage
Baby Samuel wheezes like Hillary down one flight on the Spanish Steps. Call my nurse wife to express concern. We got to the ER. He had a virus in his lungs. Samuel’s loving me more than mama back to normal again.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

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