3 Kids Is Brave

3 kids is brave.
God didn’t give me 3 kids to have a panic attack over it. Obviously, he never had the same confidence in you.

3 kids is brave.

After you introduce yourself to Paul Mooney when on the surface, you’re the white devil incarnate. Looking like Hugh Grant on stilts. Whose in a Harlem Jazz lounge for a callback audition. It doesn’t phase you as much girlfriend.

3 kids brave.
Kayne West is brave. So were Joan Rivers and Anthony Bourdain. Lets hope the times really are changing. And Trump pushes for Kayne to get a Pulitzer prize of literature for his next album Big Daddy T.

3 kids is brave
I felt the same way about blowing my allowance on 30 Shawn Kemp Sky Box rookie cards in the 7th grade. After he slammed his manliness down the Knick’s throats 1 stuff at a time.

3 kids is brave.
My 20 month old son on the Tilt a Whirl in Lake George was brave. He couldn’t tell if he was thrilled or scared about his whipped brain milkshake or not.

3 kids is brave.

I’m not sending them off to go backpacking through no go zones in Germany.
Come to think of it. That’s a way scarier threat than sending the kids off to military school down south.

3 kids is brave.

They’re superior company than most. For example, I’d never hang out with you if I didn’t buy wine at your shop ever. Unless you were golden, snappy and opened wide like Heidi Klum.

3 kids is brave.
Are you kidding me? My Kiss Army is more imposing than ever. I feel like we can take over Kabul in our SUV.

3 kids is brave.
Only if your wife is a pill popping degenerate. So I’ve got that going for me.

3 kids is brave

Once you take Acid again after college in your early thirties. Parenting 3 is a walk in the park. I also confused cocaine for Crystal Meth once. Later, I blurt. You thought I knew the difference Ming. What is this, the Pepsi Challenge?

3 Kids is brave.
So is Woody Allen stashing his Time Life snap shots of Soon-Yi in his top sock drawer for safe keeping.

3 kids is brave.
So is standing up to applaud Roman Polanski expecting no moral outrage feedback in return. He’s an overrated rapist compared to Cosby.

3 kids is brave.
Heckling Dice in his prime 2 drink minimum in at Dangerfields is brave. Especially, if you’re from down south. Where finger food is anything which tastes like your cousin’s panties, oh. I can’t take no more.

3 kids is brave.
So, is going to the South Bronx in high school to buy sprayed nickel bags that taste like Windex. Wearing your Lacoste watch and white privilege pre-fake news on your sleeve.

3 kids is brave.
My wife isn’t Sarah Palin in her late fifties either.

3 kids is brave
If my 1st were Siamese twins.

3 Kids Is Brave
Let’s not act like I have to send all 3 to private schools in Manhattan tomorrow. I’m still so broke. My Hebrew name is under judicial review.

3 kids is brave.
In you’re a Rice Farmer in China and not a member of Joy Luck reading club in the Pacific Heights neighborhood of San Francisco, sure.

3 kids is brave.
Not if your 1st born is Lady Gaga incarnate from a Star is Born. Who schools her 2 younger brothers on creative play, infinite kindness and how to deliver the funny in non-stop show topping style.

3 kids is brave.
Working up the courage to tell your wife to lose a solid twenty if she wants her hubby to mount her with real lustful feeling would be some real Brave Heart shit.

3 kids is brave.
I think 1st time moms bitching about how their working husbands get off the hook during their maternity leave. Knowing grandparents on both sides help out 3 times a week at least is more offensively ghaulish.

3 kids is brave.
So is titty shaming your 7 year old daughter in Trader Joes with Child Services lurking around the corner. Hey, Matilda, you want to load up on soy dogs. It’s not like you got any boobs to expand.

3 kids is brave.
If I opened up for Russell Brand on his next stand up comedy tour. And refused to ask the nanny for references because only racist HR hacks at Fortune 500 companies demand background checks at all.

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

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