Husbands Today

Husbands Today
Expect their dronish baby boomer parents to automatically belittle the remake of a Star Is Born in defense of horse face yenta breath, no offense.

Husbands Today
Don’t need to see Kramer vs. Kramer to realize God made kids more or less putz proof. Regardless, if they smashed their head on the ground because of us or not.

Husbands Today
Are expected to do more than knock up their wives every 2 years. But fake feminist wives will treat you like 2nd class refuge citizens. If you’re no longer bringing home the bacon. This summer, I only wish I was detained in AC splendor.

Husbands Today
Have to work remote or else they’ll be charged with sexual harassment eventually. Assuming, the VP of Product Design starts every meeting with. Raise your hands up high where I can see them.

Husbands Today
Take parenting more seriously because we got more realistic bits of soul from the Wonder Years over Leave It To Beaver. Even the dad in Family Ties was a bearable ex hippie man.

Husbands Today
Prop up Columbus to their kids because they refuse to be slaves to political correctness in their own home. But Matilda without Columbus. Bernie Sanders has no white devil America to cash in on and his gravy train goes sailing.

Husbands Today
Think LaVar Ball is a more flippant, modest free Tony Robbins for young African Americans today. In need of more involved life coach dads of his caliber. Despite never pounding home the stealing in commie land commandment.

Husbands Today
Who dare to show their faces in public during regular working hours with their newborns without mama. Are met with unwelcome, seething disdain like you tried to sneak your kids into Synagogue cloaked in Burkas on Yom Kippur.

Husbands Today
Want to upstage their fake news hippie dads or die trying. You want to talk laziest grandparent generation of all time Brokaw. Lifting a finger for them is liking your kid photos from afar. All Steve Jobs invented was casual Friday.

Husbands Today
Have zero love for grandmas who choose leisure and fake news over more time with their precious grandchildren. Did their husbands have to scrounge for work in a post 911 economy? How much did you pay for your house again?

Husbands Today
Want to get paid for their expertise from home if possible. Because we saw the draining impact of commuting had on our fathers. By the time they got home. Pops had nothing left for us. Giving tank was dry man.

Husbands Today
Take parenting more seriously because we got more realistic bits of soul from the Wonder Years over Leave It To Beaver. Even the dad in Family Ties was a bearable ex hippie man.

Husbands Today
Have to uphold their kids age of innocence earlier than our parents never did or attempted to really. Taking your kid to Midnight Cowboy in Manhattan of all places kisses it goodbye real quick.

Husbands Today
From Gen X, pray their children will be far richer than they. So the underbelly of a dependency in their relationship won’t exist. By us retiring under the condition will buy them flights. If they want a free trip during the winter.

Husbands Today
Can’t believe the all knowing Seinfeld. Is still capable of smirking in public. Knowing his powers of observation failed to pick up any hint of Cosby’s 4 decades of rape.
Husbands Today
Measure real friends by those left who’ve actually logged face time with your newborn son. Regardless if your lucky number 3 appears repetitive at this point like you getting to play stay at home dad again.

Husbands Today
Change our kids diapers because unlike President Trump we didn’t have our shit together in our twenties or thirties for that matter. But as Sam Cooke used to croon with gospel soul. A change is going to come.

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

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