A + Joke Filler For My Book

Me encouraging my daughter’s Yoga Instructor ambitions.
Daddy, can I become a Yoga Instructor for a living? Hell yeah, you can open your own Yoga studio in Tribeca. Rocking the Warrior Pose with Madonna arms minus the camel toe drippage.

Just realized in the Last Jedi flick the “Rebels” are now called the “Resistance.” I guess ANTIFA can’t afford the same fancy pants costume designer afforded to a J.J Abrams blockbuster remake. Black hoodies from Target it is.

4 year old son makes me a smiling airplane in Pre-K in my honor. He says. I call it “High on Fatherhood Daddy.” Obviously, the Adderral gives you an extra lift. After a son’s booster love of course. I’m talking about myself now, daddy.

Revolutionary Idea
Prescribe Adderall to parents instead of the kids so they can focus on being better, more involved parents. But insist on drug testing in case the parents get carried away with the weed to calm their nerves like they did in college again.

Yoga Instructor Fever
Daddy, can I go to trade school for yoga? To become a Yoga Instructor. I won’t jerk you around. Mommy almost went to Masseuse school and avoided becoming Brenda from Six Feet Under. Thank God.

My 7-year-old daughter schooling me on drones.
Daddy, they have firefighter assistant drones.
They take pictures to show firefighters where it’s safe to go.
I know what I’m getting Angela Merkel for Kwanza Christmas.

According to Dr. Savage, there are toxins in underwater seafood which triggers Alzheimer’s. Riveting opener to your show Dr. Savage. Apparently, you wolfed down enough Shrimp Parm to recall what’s it like to be light-hearted funny ever again.

Daddy, Isabel and I are having a contest on who can marry Koby. You played basketball with him at the park remember? You mean the rapy, scowly kid in the hoodie? I’m all ears.

My 7-year-old daughter schooling me on drones.
Daddy, they have firefighter assistant drones.
They take pictures to show firefighters where it’s safe to go.
Dennis Leary’s brain is on fire with movie adaptation ideas for Rescue Me as we speak.

My 7-year-old daughter schooling me on drones.
Daddy, they have firefighter assistant drones.
They take pictures to show firefighters where it’s safe to go.
Even at Trader Joe’s? So, they don’t get bum rushed in December for Calendar week.

Wife
I don’t have to attend my nurse awards dinner tonight.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
It’s a celebration of your accomplishments.
Wife
But I’m never home for you.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
So I grow closer to our 3 children than you do as usual.

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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