Kids need dad around more than mama. Because dads blessed with the quality bonding time with their children. Who take advantage knowing their dad was content letting you play with yourself always. Never treats their kids like regrettable time sucks.
Kids need dad around more. How many more times do I have to say it? Funnier Dad, happier baby. I’ve logged the most time with my 3 kids on this God green earth so far. Of course, they’re super chill, loosey- goosey sweet.
Kids need dad around more than mama. Daddy’s got way more crazy girlfriend stories to share. Hey kids, do you know what a restraining order is? You can avoid it by not going home with red headed girls who kiss you 1st at the bar in hats.
Kids need dad around more. Because who else will defend on Twitter why American Dad is educational on their behalf? Good morning USA. Today will refute mama’s inappropriate viewing claim in array of hilarious ways.
Kids need dad around more. Because mama has zero interest in dumping them off at the park so she can increase her vertical with box jumps and drain her 42 high arcing jumping beauties from way downtown.
Kids need dad around more because mommy doesn’t exude enough star power to compel our kids to start throwing change at my face and kicking me. Because for our Astrology Off, my name drops were Vince Vaughn, Eddie Murphy and Doug Stanhope.
Kids need dad around more. How else will they learn to mirror rock solid core strengthening plank exercises? From mama lounging on the couch to Instagram again? No offense. Her filtering work is excellent.
Kids need dad around more. Do you want Ted Cruz’s lumbering buzz kill wife around more than you have to endure? At least Ted Cruz calls out Zit Face Zuck for the fake news moralist he is. You’d think Ted made his wife lose out on marrying W.
Kids need dad around more because I make more of an effort to dress up to stay in. Especially on weekends, when mama’s working at the hospital. So my 3 kids don’t think I’m taking their evening entertainment for granted.
Kids needs dad around more because mama sucks at arranging play dates and socializing with other mamas in general. So I’m all my 3 kids got. Sorry Baby Boomer Bust Grandparents. It’s sad but true. You being useless and all.
Kids need dad around more because mama’s parents thought taking in a hairless rescue dog commanded more attention than their 3 pristine, luscious locked grandchildren. And weed impaired my judgement in the past Dr. Savage?
Kids need dad around more. Because the only way to control your 3 kids with comedy is to be more consistently funny than just scary spider mom from Coraline to get them into the bubble pronto.
Kids need dad around more because mama isn’t getting up at 5 Am to make homemade hummus sandwiches with fresh shaved carrots & munster. Earning crazy good dada accolades after I pick up Art Show from Pre-K and Deltoids Dawn by the bus outside our home sweet home.
Kids needs dad around more because mama isn’t increasing their comedic expressive might through Mad Libs every night. Nor is she busting out silly string cheese words like nipple de do da. Which got a big laugh by the way.
Kids need dad around, especially if he’s blessed with more Dragon blood energy than Kayne and Trump combined until kids tucked in bedtime. Ensuring no degenerate old school dad me time ensues. Keeping old school Dragon Lungs, the pothead away.
Kids need dad around more than mama. Because after moms give birth. They can claim catch up exhaustion the remainder of their lives. So getting up early to get the house humming is never seized if she doesn’t have to.