Ex-Social Life Jokes/Deplorable Material

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Tale of 2 Jakes

Want to catch the Knicks Nets game? I don’t think I can. I have to pick up Jake. So you want to blame your bitchy disposition toward being a father of 1 on me? Either you can hang or you can’t blow off bitch face.

Plus, your precious ex-social life involved videos smoking bombs with your phone at 11PM in the middle of work weeks. I think your 1 kid is better off without you spacing on being a dad again. And sitting on him like Christopher with the cat in the Sopranos.

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Your Ex-Social Life Before pumping out 1 kid only was overrated. So you lived in Manhattan instead of New Jersey. Your gift of gab on beer or weed stinks regardless. Why else would you use EMOJI’s in IT recruitment sales on LinkedIn?

Get Over Your Ex-Social Life Going from 1 Phish show to the next in your run down RV. Had to wear on your lack of unique hippie cred after a while. Unless, you were selling Pimento grill cheese sandwiches I didn’t know about.

Only In America Baby
Wife says. You ‘re not allowed to explain what abortion is to my daughter. I’m a nurse who works with babies. This is my field of expertise. So you’re the abortion whisper now?
My sexually repressed text sent to a recruiter bud of mine on the train. The MILF has a soft, moist, plump mouth hot for immediate stuffage. No way she’s snagging a rock her size being a dead weight grazer. LOL indeed.

Int. Best Buy Worker You don’t like Lebron? Stay At Comedian Dad I respect his work ethic, God given ability and above average post season clutchness. And Charles Barkley is way more loveable and he hates on my Knicks 24/7.

Me on the phone with Robison Oil. My report says a “burner coupling broke?” Like when Chris Martin from Coldplay turned cold on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Kama Sutra moves after too many Kimchi taco Tuesdays became a family tradition.
My 7 Year Old Daughter Summing Me Up

You’re not a businessman daddy. What am I then Matilda? An underappreciated Podcast Host whose been Shadow Banned long time. You’re less annoying than Michael Savage.

 

Dad texts. I expected you to call us on Sunday per our conversation. My reply. Natalia was working all weekend. And I was busy with deplorable babysitter detail. It made me laugh.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s