Dinero & Topical Tooth Fairy Material

Wife
The girl I work with always forgets about the Tooth Fairy to.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Is she a druggy Nurse Jackie type? But you haven’t been to a rave in ages. And retired your fairy wings ages ago. So what’s your excuse?

Daughter
I forgot to put my tooth under my pillow.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
I texted a reminder to the Tooth Fairy just in case.
Daughter
Did you send her a picture of my tooth in a JPEG file or does she just take your word for it?

Daughter
Happy Birthday Uncle Jon. And one more thing. I better be a flower girl at your wedding. Or I’m calling you Sir Snort A Lot forever, ever, ever, ever. Now, don’t go on fucking up your 2nd engagement 1 week before the wedding either.

Daughter
How does the Tooth Fairy know where we live?
Shannon’s mom told her the Tooth Fairy is bad at directions. And that’s why she woke up empty handed last month.
Dad
Don’t worry. Self-Driving Tooth Fairies just came out last week.

Daughter
I forgot to put my tooth under my pillow.
Dad
I texted the Tooth Fairy.
Daughter
How did you get her phone number?
Dad
Google Earth silly.
She isn’t the Mars Attacks Tooth Fairy last time I checked.

This is you resistor.
Coward, liar, racist, got you this time, impeach. And you wanted Raggedy Perm Wolf to roast the President with material more dated sounding than Ebonics and more telegraphed than Don Lemon’s panties in a bunch brow.

Wall Street knows Facebook, CNN and Twitter have done more to stoke racial fires in this country than any Trump loving rally ever did. Drain the Web imprint of all anti-American squirts like Zit Face Zuck forever.

A sex slave was just auctioned on Facebook. But Pizzagate isn’t real. And Michelle Obama is the epitome of dignified, classy perfection. What would Zit Face Yuck say to George Soros? Go home and get your SS Shine Box?

Obama’s judges can’t save his deep state minions from getting slammed in the slammer. And he knows it. Why else would he go on this nationwide crack bender? Making your mama jokes, that aren’t even funny to begin with.

Aren’t you afraid of your mother-in-law reading your blog? No, she’s a barely literate hick from Manchester, England. Now in the US all she reads is coupons from Wegmans.

INT. Dinero Home
Wife
Jerking off to Stacy Dash on Fox News again?
She’s me 30 years ago. I’m not clueless.
Wife throws an envelope at him.
Dinero
Is this a script from Marty?
Wife
Fuck Marty.
It’s divorce papers, you dumb mook.

INT. HOME
Dinero texts Bette Midler.
Wife left me. Fuck Trump.
I can’t even get it up for Maddow anymore.
Bettle Midler texts back.
You’re a dumb brute. Whose beneath me.
Jerk off to Wendy Williams for all I care. Isn’t she more your type anyway?

INT. HOME
Dinero bangs his fist against the wall.
I’m not washed up. I’m not washed up.
Wife hands him divorce papers.
I’m leaving you for Leo’s bodyguard.
Have fun doing an Edward Burns film nobody sees.

Dinero touches himself to Maddow . Wife throws divorce papers on his lap.
Wife
Wipe up with this. The only way you get off now is from a Unibrow lesbo dumping on Trump. You low IQ, overrated Mook,. Pacino acted circles around you in Heat.

Morning Prayer
Lord, thanks for my wife’s friends being there to make her feel semi-good on her birthday in spite of my lackluster effort on her behalf. Time to bang out a belated forced poem now. Because she demanded it. Should be snuggly. Amen.

INT. HOME-NYC
Dinero is touching himself to Maddow. Wife throws divorce papers on his lap.
Wife
Something to wipe up with.
Dinero
You know how much her unibrow does it for me.
Come on. No Bad News Brown Grandpa tonight, Brown Sugar?

INT. HOME
4 YEAR OLD SON
What’s your Tooth Fairy’s name?
7 YEAR OLD SISTER
Tooth. I’m calling her Tooth.
4 YEAR OLD SON
Tooth, that’s funny like Mouth from the Goonies.
7 YEAR OLD SISTER
You always need to separate the drugs.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

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