New Family Tradition

1st Urbandictionary entry.
Trumpian (N) American loving defender of protecting our citizens over bullshit charges of politically correct charged accusations of hate speech to keep illegals voting and pedophile protecting Democrats in power.

My 2nd Urbandictionary entry.
Trumpian: (N) American loving patriot who believes Obama is the real lying, egomaniac with the lumbering superiority complex. Who did less to empower black people than Soul Plane.

You know the resistor side has veered way too left off sanity. When my great Jewish Aunt comments on her socialist, Democratic cousin’s postings on Facebook with. “Free college, free healthcare, free sex changes. Sorry, it’s not Obama’s army anymore.”

New Family Tradition
On Black Friday forsake the mall. Not that respectable Jews partake. And instead consume black comedy maestro musings on Vinyl from Lenny Bruce at Berkeley. He would’ve teed off on 9th Circuit Judges & Huma Licker Breath.

What my parent’s Facebook announcement should’ve been for my younger brother’s 2nd engagement after he fucked up his 1st.

Will be wearing all white at the wedding for a 2nd time. After our 1st born’s wedding and make it all about our own vanity again.

 

What my parent’s Facebook announcement should’ve been for my younger brother’s 2nd engagement after he fucked up his 1st part 2.

Full refund on airfare tickets if our son goes off the rails again.
She got divorced before. So, she can’t afford to fuck this up.

My parents announcing my brother’s 2nd engagement via Facebook, after he fucked up the 1st at the last minute is weird. I haven’t used Facebook for 2 years. So my great Aunt telling me about the Facebook engagement over Thanksgiving is even weirder.

Post Thanksgiving Text
Bang some Trump loving MILFS in Florida for me.
And make your sex life great again.
I recall your past girlfriends being the antithesis of dead Marlins.
Hemingway, I fucked him, oh!

Kids finish off a mini-grill cheese nosh I made them.
They both yell. Make more. I respond. I never told your grandma to make more brisket. But at least she makes homemade pizzas for grandpa whenever we’re not around.
Countering passive aggressive moms.
Mom texts. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday.
I text back. Wish you were here less. I wish you texted less also because your presence online and off never makes me happy at all. Direct enough yet ma?

I just noticed earrings on my 7 year old daughter. And she’s had them on for 2 years. It’s like I’m still single, living in the San Fernando Valley except I’m not hitting on girls in my commercial acting class oblivious to their engagement rings on.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

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