God Made Neil De Grasse Interesting for 3 Minute Spurts

Do It All Dad Tip:
Tell your kids God made man to create the Bible to test your faith in him. Because the origin of man exhibit at the Museum of Natural History and big bang promo reel at the Hayden Planetarium are excluded cliff notes in Genesis.

INT. Home
New Wes Anderson film Isle of Dogs plays.
Daughter
This movie is blood drained from my face dramatic.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
The Wise Dog sounds like Fantastic Mr. Fox and Hello Kitty had a thrill-less roll in the hay baby.

Grandparent Myth
Grandmas love their grandchildren the same.
Thanksgiving card progression for my 3 children.
1st born, Me, Me will see you soon, 2nd born, wish we could spend Thanksgiving with you, 3rd kid, ditto what Snoopy says. I’m spent.

I vote for Dwight Howard and Bruce Jenner to host the ESPY’s next year. But they have to make out like Britney and Madonna. That would be so hot. Brett Favre would puke up dip in his mouth. Tom Brady would get mildly aroused.

Googling Interfaith Marriage is brutal. I learn about a half black, half Jewish kid. Who was never considered pure Jew. Despite his black dad working as a physicist for NASA and having a mom who marched with Dr. King. My parents can’t claim neither.

Marc Gasol
I have plenty of respect for coach.
I’m a better player because of him,
NY Post Reporter
Off the record, David Fizdale told you European players are softer than EU immigration laws. Didn’t he?

INT. CAR
Daughter
My favorite part was the origin of man exhibit.
Told you Adam and Eve weren’t the 1st people on earth.
Dad
If Bill Maher heard you.
He’d write a million dollar check for the Museum.  And make another donation in his pants.

EXT. NYC
DAUGHTER
I’m glad you had 3 manly conversations about the Knicks daddy.
Dad
How does that 1 guy in the pizzeria still defend Melo’s suckitude? Same for Obama, but at least Melo didn’t spy on Lebron’s secrets workouts.

INT. BEDROOM
WIFE
You look like a Hipster Republican in your #Knicks winter hat.
Husband
Trump has made the Knicks hustle and play defense again.
When Obama was President, blameless, divisive, ISO Melo ball ruled our world.

Perfect line to shut up Obama lickers left.
Your gee whiz shrug of arrogance makes you look like James Comey if he spilled the beans about Seth Rich’s Murder, sowed his own sweaters and was relocated to Bushwick under the witness protection program.

INT. HOME
Wife
I think the Bible was meant to be metaphorical, not literal.
Husband
Or you’re just absolving yourself of guilt for luring me to bang you on the rag last month. Or absolving me from never being anal about ass play either.

INT. PLANETARIUM
Dark Universe film airs, narrated by Neil De Grasse Tyson.
I doze 3 minutes in. Daughter hits me.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
What, Neil De Grasse Tyson can’t carry a film despite a panoramic rendering of the Universe in his favor.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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