Hair Metal Humor Overkill

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
It means Joe Elliot hasn’t aged as well as Jon Bon Jovi. And is no longer considered a photograph of perfection.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
You’ll what? Insist Hair Nation send all their advertisers British Flag draped Resist The Hall coffee cups for Christmas.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
It means Steve Perry with the long hair is more like the Androgynous type the Hall is into for all time great, pop rock selling bands.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
You’ll what? Accuse Jann Wenner of tickling Joe Elliot’s British moles through his torn Bugle Boy Jeans for a Rolling Stone photo shoot in 88.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
Dave Mustaine tweets. Bubble Gum Rock sells except the Hall isn’t buying.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
Joe Elliot will think here we go again. If White Snake gets in before us, I’ll jump off London Bridge in the still of the night.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
David Lee Roth will show up to Joe Elliot’s house in his EMS best after he rocks till he drops of a broken heart.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
Eddie Vedder will co-write an op-ed with Neil Young for the NY Times called Glam Metal is Noise Pollution.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
You’ll blame it on Russian Death Metal journalists at Metal Hammer magazine for bashing the 25 year reissue of Hysteria to pieces.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall.
Me
It means the Hall cares more about Joan Baez’s banshee drone than rock, rock, till you drop records like Pyromania which sold 10 million units bitches.

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
NWA’s entry won’t feel legit?

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
Then, you’ll feel like a deplorable for voting for a British glam metal Brexit from the Hall if Iron Maiden gets voted in before they do?

INT. CAR
Hair Metal Nation Host
If Def Leppard doesn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Me
Gene Simmons will act superior smug regardless.

 

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

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