It’s On The Internet Forever

EXT. SAKS FIFTH AVENUE
Dad
Matilda, if a guy gets you a gift
from Saks Fifth Avenue when you get older, it means he’s passed the
give a shit qualifier test.

Do It All Dad Tip:
Fake friends who work in sales for a living. Who fashion themselves as responsible witty creatives. Will die a thousands deaths when you tell them you got 17 more pieces in the can for future release from the Good Men Project.

Real CIO Talk, Behind My Wet Bar Office and My CIO Family Tree, Mentoring Leaders is personal. Are A Plus titles I gave you for free as your ghostwriter for hire. So why haven’t you sucked off my existence yet longtime? Enlighten me.

East Coast Elitist Baby Boomers, Trump obsessed Twitter Twats and artless, sales hacks for hire. Regardless if they make six figures or not. Make awful caregivers because they’re all about propping up their lackluster, bore selves.

My kids don’t have a close Uncle to love them as their own.
So I’ve made a new friend resolution to befriend a black godfather editor in Harlem. Who’s liberated from the chains of mental slavery like Kayne. Who isn’t a modern Invisible Man.

Pressuring Trump to lay off Twitter really means. Stop exposing the American traitors for the lying, disgraceful hit man that they are.

Calling the Obama’s a unifying force is like calling the Clinton Foundation a charitable foundation for others.

Michelle Obama’s Book Tour should be called Sour Lemonade For Sale.

Do It All Dad Tip:
When artificial intelligent fake friends. Lose the moral high ground to pity you after you get published 3 times in one week with 3 kids to feed and a marriage to keep together. Their jealousy consumes their pussy selves whole.

Hosting the Oscars has become a more thankless task than candidate recruiter reach out. When tech unicorns tell you to stop sending In-Mail invitations to be interviewed for better paying jobs closer to their lofts in SOHO.

Let me rephrase for more hardcore impact. Hosting the Oscars is a less thankless task than being Hillary’s Social Media Community Manager, Hillary’s debate question prepper or the last head in charge of new voter registration for the DNC before Bernie got shafted.

Unemployed Comedian/Father of 3 vs. Malcolm Gladwell
Malcolm Gladwell wants to write your story. Bad idea, he’s a total snooze. He won’t capture the gravitas your voice deserves. My business book for you will break the Internet.

Congratulations on your published blogs means I view myself as an intellectual superior to you because I teach kids the meaning of John Steinbeck novels to AP Students for a living.

EXT. MANHATTAN-AFTER I GET MY 3 KIDS THE HELL OUT OF ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

7 Year Old Daughter

You’re really good at being a New Yorker, daddy.

Do It All Dad laughs long time and beams with pride all at the same time.

My 20 month old son always takes his cloths off. So yesterday I nickname him Chippendale Charlie. Daughter asks? What’s does that mean? You know how you have female strippers? Daughter says. You’re cray-cray, Dada?

ME

Matilda, if I ghost write this business book and end out beating Malcolm Gladwell for the job. Mimi will hate my guts forever guaranteed.

7 Year Old Daughter

Mimi’s just uncomfortable with your comedy Dada.

Fake News Friend

Michael Cohen got 3 years.

Me

That must mean Trump’s going to get impeached next for banging a poor woman’s Savannah. Too bad, Obama doesn’t have that tape.

 

INT. COFFEE SHOP
Me
If I found my son playing with dolls. I’d say son. Wrap pecker-wood with seaweed next time you make a move on Polynesian Barbie. Good Men Project published that. It’s on the Internet Forever.

My barista boys LOL longtime.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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