Defending My Jewishness on Christmas

Lebron James is less likable than John Oliver on the rag, 4th of July Weekend. After too much Sangria.

Triggering my younger brother who insists on saying Happy Holidays.
Trump’s a Nazi. Ivanka keeps kosher like Lebron’s ex money manager handler. In every Spike Lee film every made. Merry Christmas.

Why does nobody want to join Lebron in LA? Because he’s a fake news deep narcissist/black supremacist. You know like Obama with talent. Look, I’m a rich bitch, oppressed beneficiary of a private Catholic High School scholarship in Akron, Ohio.

At this point, I think it’s safe to say Kevin Spacey bought the Old Vic in London Town to do more than lunge at actors in tights backstage.

Feminism gone crazy.
Wife says. It isn’t fair how our kids schools make our kids think Santa get’s them all their nice gifts, not me. No offense babe but Michelle Obama doesn’t make a convincing Santa either.

Wishful Thinking Act Out
Rosa, you’re making my Jew blood kids wait to decorate your tree?
Without my people, Jesus included, you don’t have a Christmas Tree celebration symbol to decorate, no offense. Joan lives.

Whenever Obama’s mentioned during the holidays in a glowing light. It’s always something superficial related. Lacking no meaty substance like his Almond smoothie diet resolution. Which Michelle strong armed him into again.

You haven’t seen Black Panther yet? I don’t think all the gushing reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are kosher. I don’t follow Lebron James on Twitter and my Jew money never bought the hype.

I don’t get it. You haven’t seen Black Panther yet? I’m still working on learning the backstory behind the creation of black Green Lantern. I’m assuming his ring used to be a Super Bowl 1.

 

My father in law saying he’s going to pump up the same deflated basketball in his driveway every Christmas. Is like Hillary deflating Democrats left saying she’ll run again if you believed she’d win again.

I’ve grown to love saying Merry Christmas. It’s a very liberating, forgiving feeling to wish happiness for Gentiles who wouldn’t let you in their country club if they could afford the membership fees.

INT. IN-LAW’S-DELAWARE
Loser Brother In Law
Someone’s going to the big house soon.
Me
Biden’s a child molester, big house talking.

The Mule is awesome. Michael Savage is lame for downplaying the majestic, weathered awesomeness of Clint in it. Granted, it’s no Gran Torino but what is? Clint ensured a single word wasn’t changed in that script.

I don’t understand how resistors live with themselves clinging on to baseless claims of impeachment which have less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Last, sour puss Huma Licker defenders start talking shit with no previous provocation every single time.

Brother In Law
My sister’s more Jewish than you.
Me
Like your father would ever pay 10 large for a nose job.
He’s still sporting the same Tommy Bahama shirts from 86.

INT. IN-LAW’S HOUSE
Mother In Law
No more bouncing on the mattress.
Me
It’s only a wellspring of endless joy for your grandchildren. Who you’re too fat to play with because you have a chair for the shower. Drop five tons and you can regain a bounce in place of your hippo troll waddle. Banning Lollipops next?

Int. Bar
Eagles Fan
Do I know you? Because you’re staring at me.
Me
(V.O)
I really wish I was Beanie Sigel in this instance.
Hard knocks will have to wait till I take up MMA eventually.

Wife
What if Trump get’s impeached?
Me
Then the Deep State, you know Swamp Thing wins.
But not if JFK Junior has anything to do with it.

INT. WINE SHOP TASTING BAR
FEMALE PATRON
I just want to stay to see what he has to say next.
ME
This Sauvignon Blanc is very poundable like Elizabeth Hurly always.

EVERYONE HOWLS.

 

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

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