Chosen Curls Was Bound To Woo

Out of the womb, he rocked a moosed up mohawk, looking like a dreamy cross breed of Vince Neil and Bret Michaels in the making. Who doesn’t require makeup to pull off the Cock Rock Wailer look.

Most babies are born baldies which is gross. Plus, they’re born with indentations on their heads. Looking like they were dropped on an anvil one too many times, because Nurse Jackie got the shakes since running out of Methadone.

My breach, flipper baby was born a day before my mother’s birthday. Finally, my wife had living proof God wasn’t picking on her anymore.

Chosen Curls mounted his high chair in 13 months flat with rock solid drive, like Elle the Body Macpherson double dared him to do it.
Everything about Chosen Curls screams nature boy woo. Like him trying to poke Sleeping Beauty’s eye open with his pee pee on his sister’s Amazon Kindle.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. He stops traffic in Stop and Shops even after their Prime Rib sample station opening.

I almost missed the birth of Chosen Curls because I had to wait 5 hours for my in-laws to arrive. Because my father-in-law let his wife drive and chose to pass on exerting his  manhood in this instance despite his past professions on the phone 5 hours prior about them being “on my side.” My younger brother was planned to babysit my 2 other celestial beams of light once my wife went into labor. After he arrived at our home sweet home, he thought it was a bright idea to ask me to get him stoned off the sticky icky stuff, during his 1st stint babysitting my children ever. So I called an audible and recruited my in-laws to drive down from Delaware to look after the kids instead. After this golden opportunity I gave my younger brother to show he really cared about helping me out in my time of need, went up in smoke.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo . He’s been blessed with the most naturalistic, non-strained smile of all time. As opposed to Leo’s strained one because he’s grinding his teeth from too much sub par blow taking again.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. He waddles with excitable joy across the room like Charlie Chaplain junior after taking a dump in his pants. Without ever loosing his non-predatory charm along the way.

Chosen Curls was born to woo. He throws a powerful, straightforward jab at 20 months old. I’m not calling him the 2nd coming of Adonis Creed but his big brother will be crying No Mas in no time. No offense Art Show but he’ll break you.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. At 20 months old he’s already throwing 5 pound free weights across the room like he was flicking Pistachio Nuts Shells at Andy Dick passed out in the Viper Room 3 hours before New Years Eve.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. As Chef Samuels in our family meal review show, Crazy, Good, Dada. He points at an onion and says, eyes. Or on my smart phone, showing a clip of Chelsea Handler after election night. What difference does it make?

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. When he claps it up to Moth Into Flame by Metallica in the car. He emanates rip roaring, feel good joy. Rock Star Ready’s emotive, clapping antics could go viral alone.

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. When we’re in coffee shops and busty Italian Milfs ask to hold him. I’ll tell him later. You do realize your star power stems from dada’s tree trunk, right?

Chosen Curls was bound to woo. Big sis and big bro are tucked in. I ask. Rock Star Ready, you wanna hear one of Dada’s podcasts in bed? He yells with excitable glee, yeah. My wife won’t even bookmark my blog.

The End


Michael Kornbluth

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