Shadowban Reality Test

Shadowbanning is realer than being blinded by Louie CK’s Jupiter sun spots on his ball sack backstage in his dressing room at Carnegie Hall.

Shadowbanning is realer than Woody Allen’s stash of Soon Yi’s best of Time Life photos stashed away in his top sock drawer. To tap for new film idea inspiration, naturally.

Shadowbanning is realer than fake news calling Stormy Daniels a porn star. That’s like calling Lexington Steele a sideline freak.

Shadowbanning is realer than Transgender Fathers Day pleas for recognition. Either you’re an involved dad or you aren’t, nipple tits. I thought getting shafted wouldn’t be such a shock to your system anymore either.

Shadowbanning is realer than Chuck D’s lyrics, assuming you can’t get past the fact he came from an upper middle class suburb in yenta country Long Island.

Shadowbanning is realer than Chris Matthews sexually harassing his new intern at MSNBC. “Eating out Maddow. Counts as your lunch break babe.”

Shadowbanning is realer than hate speech claims by Facebook and Twitter. Used to justify the blockage of joke shrouded truth bombs. Revealing what divisive, garbage the media spoon feeds to mush brained baby boomers for a living.

Shadowbanning is realer than Trump’s campaign slogan not being, “Let’s Make Nazi Germany Great Again.”

Shadowbanning is realer than reruns of Roseanne having been replaced by reruns of the Cosby Show and commercials for Ambien in heavy rotation.

Shadowbanning is realer than Russell Simmons denying all rape allegations against him. “Read my lisp. I never raped any of those vengeful, over the hill ho’s.”

Shadowbanning is realer than Bill Simmons, holier than now, Kumquat smirk. Which screams I exude 0.0 gravitas off the page. So much for being in a nice leather chair on HBO being a game changer difference maker.

Shadowbanning is realer than stay at home mom school cafeteria bans in Darien, CT. I guess mommy blogger meetups have limited appeal after all.

Shadowbanning is realer than Trump passed drug reform. African American’s got 99 problems but reduced prison sentences for 1st time drug offenders isn’t one of them.

Shadowbanning is realer than claims of Deblasio turing his wife straight. Like garlic breath converted her? He eats pizza with a fork and knife. Can you really picture Big Bird, bury his beak into her bean pie with such sloppy, abandon?

Shadowbanning is realer than JK Rowling writing Harry Potter without the assistance of a ghost writer. Being homeless one second, hit novelist the next. Do her Oxford Wizard types seem like bar fly Bukowski material to you?

Shadowbanning is realer than Kathy Griffin ruining Fashion Police. Before looking like Trans Chucky and a skinned Clifford had a baby.

Shadowbanning is realer than 1.5 billion given to Iran. To make the economy less dependent on on the sale of rugs and hair removal products for the Kardashians.

Shadowbanning is realer than Comey’s anemic book sales. 50% percent off never felt such a bad deal.

Shadowbanning is realer than Dinero acting smart left to his own faculties without Marty.

Shadowbanning is realer than calls to ban ICE. Because homeland security is so weapons of mass destruction years.

Shadowbanning is realer than Kate Spade’s most passive aggressive suicide note ever. It’s not your fault. Dad will explain. Dad screams. Explain what? I’m the one you couldn’t live with? What a bag of shit, Kate!

Shadowbanning is realer than Keith Ellison’s Borders Are Bullshit T-Shirt Kwanza gifts for staffers at the DNC.

Shadowbanning is realer than Obama crying over his torn up Iran Deal. At least the NY Times Op-Ed section is a shoulder to cry on. Facebook is the surrogate, loving dad for Obama. Who hasn’t bailed on him yet.

Shadowbanning is realer than Lebron getting the idea to wear a cast. After Michelle threatened to break her arm up in Obama’s crack if he ever offered Paul Newman’s Lemonade to Beyonce over her prized homemade Kombucha.

Shadowbanning is realer than Jeffrey Tambor getting fired from Transparent. Blasting his co-star for pissing on the toilet seat in his trailer. “Real lady like. Now get out of my trailer, you butchy bitch, hey now.”

Shadowbanning is realer than Stay At Home Dads feeling like full time welfare mothers until we become the bigger earners. And then I’m going buy this town and put in my shoe. It’s what I’m going do. Jimi lives.

Shadowbanning is realer than my gap years on my LinkedIn Resume, making me searchable under popular searches such as homemaker. My podcast post on LinkedIn, “Raising my Kids on Adderall”, must have been a dead giveaway.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s