Why Stay At Home Comedian Sells Huge

Half of America’s 64 million branded racists to be exact, will clamor to buy a copy because for 2 years straight they haven’t been hearing this material on Kimmel.

Who doesn’t want to read A plus jokes shadowbanned by Twitter and LinkedIn to reveal what fascist, free speech censoring, fake news morality police overlords Silicon Valley has become.  Since selling their souls to China to play Steve Jobs for a living, minus chummy relationships with Bono.

Because Stay At Home Comedian provides a funny, moving, heartfelt, inspirational tale about rising from slug to stud as the new face of the remote work revolution.

Because most prose essay stylists, Gore Vidal and Anthony Bourdain excluded, suck out loud off the page. And couldn’t ad lib laugh yanker funny if their free nespresso pod deal for life from Harper Collins depended on it. Stay At Home Comedian doesn’t have this issue nor does suffer from self-esteem issues, writing about himself in the 3rd person like a too tall Jew, Rick Henderson in the process.

It sells huge because books on fatherhood suck and mostly boring novels nobody reads anymore anyway.

Its sells huge because in Stay At Home Comedian Joan Rivers lives, by outpunching her prose by loading his paragraphs with more condensed, smart laugh yankers than she ever did in her essay collections like I Hate Everyone and Diary of Mad Diva, no offense.

It sells huge because of the jokes in Stay At Home Comedian have been embraced and loved by Twitter homies and WordPress Peeps already.

Its sells huge because 1st person narratives on fatherhood from a comedian’s perspective haven’t existed prior because the successful ones have been to busy on the road making a living, trying to keep their families together. Being a Stay At Home Comedian/Father of 3 with no grandparent assistance in sight. I haven’t had such freedom or a booking agent, or enough practice stage time to do so.

It sells huge because Whoopie will love my story about Paul Mooney on the View.

It sells huge because the Good Men Project has republished chapters of the book prior solidifying my good man status such as “Wishing My Son’s Birthday Never Blows”, “3 Kids is Brave” and “Birth of a Pescatarian Comedian.” Also the Good Men Project partners with other publishing sites like the Huffington Post so I can’t be perceived as too much of a hateful, divisive monster. Especially after you feel the palpable love and gratitude I express for becoming an unplanned parent in my falling for fatherhood love tale for the ages.

Its sells huge because half of America can’t resist stories of my kids hugging flags and reverse narrative control, describing in full blown comedic detail why Hillary Hammer Time Cankles is not and will never be my daughter’s role model.

It sells huge because I’ve amassed 27 hours of A list standup material in the form of 57 plus podcasts over 1 year alone off the weed. John Lennon wishes he was this productive during his stay at home dads years.

It sells huge because in the age of me to, there’s been no other do it all dad pride incarnate voice, insisting on his 2 sons carrying around pre-poundage release forms once they start junior high.

It sells huge because the brothers love me and I always said, Kayne West knows friendship best.

It sells huge because New Yorkers grow up in melting pots like myself so Stay At Home Comedian can connect, entertain and move almost anybody.

It sells huge because I’m a more literate, hungry, poetic Howard Stern.

It sells huge because my children are superior company than most which is a glorious reflection of my own larger than life personality.

It sells huge no other humor books are funny because the real comedians who get laughs on stage for a living, save their best material for their road act off the page.

It sells huge because the writing in Stay At Home Comedian isn’t edgeless, soft served, musings on parenthood compared to Tina Fey’s Bossypants.

It sells huge because other prose stylist essayists like the late Christopher Hitchens don’t talk about God in the most heart tingly, soul stirring way I do.

It sells huge because I’ll look better than Michael Chabon on the book cover despite my eyes not looking as dreamy, nor be showcasing my chosen curls anymore.

It sells huge because Stay At Home Comedian slapping his bum with a spatula as his 3 kids point up laughing in hysterics is money in the bank, after the reading the caption below, controlling my kids with comedy.

It sells huge because men don’t have any modern day, funny man, American stylists to fill Bourdain’s shoes until now. Fire and Knives published my piece Anthony Bourdain Rips My Frozen Lunch Apart. And empower his voice with even greater, lacerating gusto at my expense.

It sells huge because what else are you getting your dad for Father’s Day next year,  a book by BJ Novak? He’s likeable but nobody loves him. Comedy Central felt the same when they resigned Trevor Noah for the forseeable future.

It sells huge because I’ll go on Seth Meth Meyers only to make fun of him. If you’re not scared of Trump, then, I’m into my mother as much as Seth Meyers.

It sells huge because if Ben Shapiro can make anyone endure his voice past the 2 minute mark, then I’m made in the shade.

It sells huge because old school comedians like Seinfeld will get his wife to promote by book based on the chapter “Shoulder Rides on the Shoulders of Comedy Giants alone.”

Its sells huge because by writing about my 3 pitch perfect, ultra sweet kids I minimize my asshole vibe while still delivering the laughs better than others.

It sells huge because I’m dunking a basketball on the back cover while slamming a Torpedo double IPA beer from Sierra Nevada which is worth the 27 dollar price tag alone.

It sells huge because I’m more loveable and just as biting as Roseanne ever was.

It sells huge because my computer passwords for everything are either best seller or Samuel wins, my lucky number 3. So Stay At Home Comedian, “Controlling My Kids with Comedy” is bound for glory. Freeing me up from a 8-7 job so I can write more best selling books with my lucky 3 Samuel by my side.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

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