My Boyish Boys

15 years later, I finally saw the Blind Side. Sandra Bullock’s legs in it are yummy. She makes Dr. Melfi from the Sopranos feel guilty for spending too much on her ass and not enough on the Stairmaster in comparison.

I toughen myself up now by letting my son punch me in the face without flinching. He’s only 2 but his shots to my ear cause it to ring soon after. I need to write a part where he plays a bouncer at his sister’s juice bar, Lavender.

There was an all Muslim girl prom held at a Detroit High School this year. So, the prom was like mine, pork free. Followed, my crying under my sheets from dusk till dawn.

HR
Why have you been out of work for so long?
Stay At Home Dad
I’m launching an exploratory committee to find out. Although, my gut tells me Corporate America keeps her distance from bearded lady freaks, despite claims of diverse inclusiveness.

HR
I read in Better Homes and Gardens, stay at home dads suffer from lower levels of testosterone.
Stay At Home Dad
Buy we haven’t even discussed hard numbers yet.

Explaining the Gillette ad to my 2 boyish boys.
Gillette is telling you to never bum rush a pretty girl in the street. That’s why I’m insisting you 2 leave the house in high school with pre-poundage consent forms in case the girls bum rush you.

Stay At Home dads like myself don’t mind the Gillette ad because we work remote. And claims of sexual harassment are avoidable when your meeting on Skype starts with. Fellas, raise your hands up high where I can see them.

At least the Gillette ad didn’t showcase Trump aggressively tweeting. Because standing up to bullying, lying, TV puppet heads and so called CNN journalists isn’t how we should treat divisive, criminal siding, normalizing, ANTIFA enablers.

Explaining the Gillette ad to my 2 boyish boys.
If I shave my beard and tone down my toxic pro Trump stance postings on Twitter. I’ll become less overtly threatening to the Talent Acquisition Managers at #Wework in Manhattan.

If I have to read one more time about TSA shortages. Last time I checked, all we need is one designated pat down person and a metal detector. Also, the terrorists behind 911 went to flight school in Florida unimpeded, my chest.

INT. WHOLE FOODS-CHAPPAQUA
Worker
Bags cost ten cents each.
Me
Is that the bag lady tax for Hillary Hammer Time Cankles?
Since the donations for the Clinton Foundation dried up faster than Huma after Hillary slipped off her spanx.

The End,

Michael Kornbluth

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