Facebook has rendered Baby Boomers the laziest grandparent generation of all time. Turning them into the real-life slackers after all. Limiting face time with their grandkids to smartphones.
Zit Face Zuck is a puppet of the NSA because he’s granted Baby Boomers the means to spy on their grandchildren from afar without having to adjust their spacious self-lifestyle away from CNN & MSNBC.
Christian Slater was our generations unheralded, Marlon Brando and Montgomery Clift and Nick Nolte all wrapped into one.
Our Baby Boomer Dads will still ask if your vegetarian wife who eats fish can still eat chicken after 8 years of marriage, 3 kids later. Despite being retired for 8, having plenty of time to brush up on the subject.
Nas is a lyrical wordsmith slayer genius, the hip hop George Carlin, whose lyrics are tougher than Dice.
Like Dr. Seuss, Paul Thomas Anderson peaked early.
Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld were the real axis of evil before Adam McKay decided to make a subpar, movie about it a decade after Oliver Stone’s W.
Eddie Vedder turned out be a more reliable, consistently great, front man rock crooner than Axl ever was. Without turning in his face into melted Candle wax from the November Rain video.
Yelp was fun until Crazy Rich Asian gals took hold of it, rendering it Hello Kitty, expressionless, humorless with it and went wild.
Critics hate the golden Jew Adam Sandler because he’s a beloved cash cow. Whose done dramatic work with James L. Brooks, so he’s above real-life bitchy reproach Peter Travers at Rolling Stone.
Robert Dinero needs Marty to start writing him scripts again in a miserable way. Because he’s an unfunny, low IQ individual left to his own faculties and no longer scary tough either.
Dennis Miller is a more fearless, God loving, Bill Maher, not trying to hide any sexual proclivities.
Taking down all of the Louie CK’s, specials down from HBO is a tad hypocritical knowing Roman Polanski’s Pianist is till up for tapping on your smart phone remote.
There’s really funny and Judd Apatow. And no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never be in the same league as Harold Ramis. David Cross agrees.
The NY Times hired editor Sarah Jeong because her millennial peers on Yelp produce writing quality a notch below Gremlin poo.
HPV Vaccinations for our boys is a no brainer like insisting they start attending junior high with lawyer written, pre-poundage consent forms for future signage.
Baby Boomer’s idea of diversity is paying a different set of undocumented illegals to keep their empty nest tidy without lifting a finger every 5 years.
Baby Boomer hippies were the 1st generation to shit on vets like they were ones responsible for starving hippies eating back alley cats to stay alive on the streets of San Francisco.
HPV vaccinations for our kids is a no brainer like turning our daughters into Lesbians to avoid contracting HIV. Name another type of sexual intercourse where they take a licking and keep on ticking?
Stay at Home Dads can be trophy wives on paper but not in reality. Especially, when the wife’s smart phone alerts her to another questionable purchase. Hey hubby, how was Bride of Chucky?
Kevin Smith totally punched up the script to Good Will Hunting, injecting it with far greater heart also. Because Damon and Affleck off the screen, are unfunny, blowhard douche bags in real life.
Seth Macfarlane, Danny McBride and the cast behind Always Sunny in Philadelphia have consistently been robbed of Emmy nods and various other comedy accolades for being consistently funnier and more imaginative than the edgeless rest.
311 is the most underrated band of our generation. Knowing, they’re a dreamy love child of Cypress Hill, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Faith No More. I’m not available Rolling Stone. Blow me.
Baby Boomer Arrogance never dies like Seth Myers attempt to out-funny his dentist with laughing gas on at full blast.
Starbucks is evil, gotten all of us addicted for even greater amounts of concentrated speed in the form of cranked up milligram dosages of Adderall or crushed snorted up Ritalin in college.
Stay at Home Dad egos can’t survive forever as dependent, welfare mothers. Knowing you can’t stare at a hard body MILF, hiking in Arizona without your wife blurting. You only exist because of me.
Raising the rod didn’t do any favors for Michael. And Helicopter parents screwed millennial mouseketeers up good.
Only Magic could make HIV disappear because he’s Magic Johnson for a reason. I’d like see King James pull off such a miraculous feat without a whole lot of Magic’s assistance.
Starbucks is evil. And intentionally cranks up the caffeine content in their espresso shots so we’re more on edge than Harold Schultz’s kids backpacking through Europe in Germany throughout deadspot no-go zones in the Summer of 2019.
Dazed and Confused is our Catcher in the Rye despite it taking place in the seventies during Aerosmith’s prime smack taking years.
Joan Rivers made sure the Obama’s weren’t invited to her funeral in advance for a reason.
Sophia Coppola gave Bill Murray the permission to not even bother being laugh out loud funny anymore.
Jack Black would be a star after High Fidelity, loaded with ten times more charisma than Booger which is nothing to sneeze at, Master.
Giving billions to Pakistan to keep Bin Laden comfy and warm made less sense than ABC thinking the Roseanne spin off would work without her. After she tweeted about Valerie Jarrett being Obama’s Arabian Horse whisperer.
Non-stop promotion of Black Panther being nominated as an Oscars Contender rings shallow and false like when Hillary stole the nomination from Bernie Sanders. Joan lives.
President Trump righted the wrongs committed by the VA Hospital, not some fake news hippie Bill Clinton. Unlike Bubba, Obama & Bush Junior, Trump can claim he’s never inhaled anything but A plus, runway ready trim.
Rickey Gervais should the host the Oscars every year, but Hollywood can’t take whatever they dish out. Clint Eastwood would agree.
Baby Boomers are keeping the NY Times in business since they’ve become the fake newspaper of record. For being too invested in a Russian collusion story with less legs than Lieutenant Dan to backtrack now.
We must not make our daughters feel taken for granted or they’ll seek love from coked out vampires in LA like the girl from the Fallen Angel video.
Smashing Pumpkin’s song Bullet with Butterfly Wings is our generation’s answer to Billy Wilder’s the Apartment, predating Office Space which doesn’t sound as momentous, sorry Butt-Head.
Either Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins comes from a divorced, broken home or he’s watched Ang Lee’s Ice Storm on Showtime after coming down off too much Acid, one too many times.
Despite claims of being enlightened, less hateful feminists of yesteryear, our Gen Y Wives still hate how much fun we have with our louder, more cheerful, toxic avenger brothers in arms.
Twitter has given an overrated quarterback the veneer of being a deep, original thinker. Who thinks posing with Linda Sarsour is in the best interests of promoting racial harmony?
Baby Boomers equate beating their wife in Jeopardy as real world, transferable intelligence despite ignoring their 1st born’s pleas to buy up every share of Google they could afford because their IT recruiter son knew about it since Y2K.
Gen X Parents understand that over-scheduling kids’ schedules is an offshoot, defensive result, to fill their kids free time with more than Different Strokes and Facts of Life. Which got us nowhere fast.
Gen X Parents understand Patton Oswalt’s voice is no Daniel Stern’s from Wonder Years. Which always sounded way more like Richard Dreyfus.
Gen X Parents understand hair power ballads are still cherished because they’re beautiful, kick-ass songs about romantic longing. Which never got played out in our hearts.
Gen X Parents understand our generation invented the internet garbage heap it’s become.
Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure these days Kathy Griffin since a Skinned Clifford and Trans Chucky had a baby.
Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure these days than Chelsea Handler since she became a full-time social justice warrior. To downplay her boobs sinking popularity.
Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure the Cheney’s soul renewal lease agreement with the Devil if Christian Bale wins best actor in the Oscars for 2019.
Gen X Parents understand hip hop back in the day was the most badass, hilarious, accessible, social change activist-minded, slamming poetry ever produced. KRS 1 is like an old school version of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, they’re both interesting for 3-minute spurts at a time.
Last, Gen X parents understand President Trump isn’t a real-life Nazi. Knowing he lifted the lifetime ban on Jewish membership at Mara a Lago after he purchased it, Slim on Facts Shady.