Sperm Implanter or Sperm Terminator?

I have 3 sweet children of mine. But where do we go now, knowing my wife is trying to cut me off from having more? Insisting I yank out my life shooter power for good and abort our be fruitful and multiply mission forever.


I’m scared of getting a Vasectomy. I don’t want my ball sack to feel like Edwards Scissorhands face. After he cuts his face from trying to do blow off his iron claws, after polishing off a case of Chateau Margaux with Keith Richards.

When your wife forces you to get a Vasectomy, she’s like Ocasio Cortez the bartender. Insisting you’re cut off from more because you’ve already had your full.

If you do a Vasectomy search on Google, Planned Parenthood shows up higher than Web MD? Hey ladies, Planned Parenthood doesn’t have enough monopolized power over your Fallopian Tubes already?

Me explaining to my son why daddy needs a Vasectomy 3 kids later. I get excited too easily because I didn’t get popular with ladies till after college. I still can’t do a convincing pump fake or make it past 1 Mississippi.

If you’re tired of being called a Nazi for supporting President Trump, refrain from mentioning men’s reproductive rights to your wife on your ordained day of rest.

Some doctors in the US won’t give you a Vasectomy without your wife’s approval. Does this mean men’s productive rights is a fake news Oxymoron?

Hey Doc, tell me if you’ve heard this one before? A Vasectomy screams I’ve got enough knots in my back already from 3 kids. So, one more in my groin won’t make a difference.

But 4 kids would really piss my parents off. Then, only seeing their 4 grandchildren 10 days a year would scream, baby boomers don’t suffer so much from family separation anxiety. Emoji’s don’t make up for it.

I tell my Aussie wife. Forget the vasectomy, let’s try for another boy. But instead of a hiring a Rabbi for the circumcision, we hire Crocodile Dundee. So, a roomful of Jews can say: Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.


But 4 kids would piss me off 4 times as much. Knowing my mother in law would still get me a pair of bargain bin black socks for Christmas. Tired of replying with: Great, now I can postpone laundry for another week.


4 kids would really piss my parents off. But we call our baby Samuel baby and I’d like to keep it that way. He’s our lucky number 3 for a reason. They say, the “rich get richer, and the poor get more children.” And Jewish New Yorker’s don’t make convincing Potato Farmers.


I can’t complain about a 4th automatic fan of me on the home front. Mama would be overruled by our own Supreme Court Bench on all issues pertaining to Men’s reproductive rights moving forward. Sperm Terminator can wait.


The End,
Michael Kornbluth

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