Made for Manhattan

KP was made for Manhattan, like Messier, Broadway Joe, Johnny Sack, even Louie after admitting to still jerking off to Sarah Silverman on Conan: Jewish MILF searches come on empty on mountain on mountainofmuff.com, sorry.

 

KP was made for Manhattan. Kevin Durant was made to star in Lego movies made out of pipe cleaners.

 

KP was made for Manhattan. Lebron was made to burn out as an over the hill has been star like John Wayne minus the patriot verve, memorable one liners and Hollywood hair.

 

KP was made for Manhattan. Anthony Davis was made to not sweat out giving Patrick Ewing a run for most cuddly, Alpha Dogy shooting center of all time.
With KP gone, Manhattan is yesterday’s news.

 

KP demanded a trade. The Knicks had no choice. You always have a choice.
Liam Neeson’s choice of black directors to work with in the future, not so much.
The Knicks had no choice. George Soros said the same thing when he rounded up Jews door to door for the Gestapo.
The Knicks made no effort keep KP around. It’s like Tom Hanks dumping Daryl Hannah back in the Atlantic ocean because of his co-op board’s no mermaid policy.
PT Barnum is rolling in his grave knowing Dolan gave away his magical Latvian unicorn with a million-dollar, high voltage smile to a billionaire nerd who refuses to splurge on a good hair stylist for peanuts on the dollar.
When can I start blaming DeBlasio for New York City’s losing culture? NYPD turned their backs on garlic breath. It was just a matter of time before a Trump supporting Uni did the same.
All NBA talking head pundits are idiots for defending the Knicks decision to dump KP because his brother agents rubbed the Knicks front office the wrong way, coming off like Russian Gangsters in 25th Hour. KP is Dirk and Ralph Sampson on MDMA morons.
If KP wins an NBA Championship for the Dallas Mavericks. He could run for President and Cuban can be his VP. The FBI can forge his birth certificate and make it look less like a futzed with PDF file this time. Millennials won’t be fooled again.

KP’s brothers, were difficult to deal with. I’m sure CNN was offering them job offers as White House Correspondents, left and right.

 
I’m going to donate my son’s KP jersey to Good Will. Illegal Aliens won’t know the difference.

 
Fake News friends from High School still think they’re smarter than Trump for predicting Hillary Hammer Time Cankles would win. KP is gone. Louie is sticking to his out of control jerk off material around here. Time to abort my family of 5 down south immediately.

 
From a Gen X perspective, KP was Adonis Creed, our own trans Amazon woman on the moon. Who identified himself as the Alpha Uni among the sly, self-stylized, gunner slasher new order. Now, we’re left with Anime porn on Tumbler for money shot creation.

 
Trading KP for cap space is a joke. It’s like Ari Gold replacing Vincent on Aqua Man with Chad Lowe because he has to pay for all of Turtle’s broken glass bongs, using Fuji water only, in their own stretched trailer on the Warner lot out of pocket.

 
How did the Knicks become Coach Fizdale’s team? What are his major turnaround success stories under his belt again? Getting out of Lebron’s way after plowing through Eric Spoelstra on the sidelines in Miami doesn’t count.

 

 

KP made it clear he didn’t want to stay. That doesn’t take the sting out getting nothing for him in return. The Knicks had leverage, why bother reporting about using him as trade bait for unibrow at all? God forbid Stephen A pine for what could’ve have been.

 
The day I learn about the Knicks letting Uni Fly away to Dallas to rack up more frequent flyer points on Southwest, I  felt ridiculous like a 42-year-old Calogero from Bronx Tale, after Sonny tells him Micky Mantle doesn’t pay his dads rent. So why care about Mick’s latest stat line in the NY Post? Can’t regain my loving feeling, it’s going, going, gone.

 
I don’t know what’s more infuriating, some hack writer from Deadspin writing about New Yorker’s delusions of grandeur or Marc Cuban robbing us of our Latvian odyssey in the making, at the 1st ice roadblock bath ahead.

 
This is Stephen A. Smith off the record on the KP trade: It doesn’t take much to be a Latvian legend. At least Melo won a National Championship at Syracuse. What did Hello Uni ever win? Besides white nationalists’ hearts cloaked in Armani ties at the Garden.

 

 

Daughter
You love the Knicks more than me.
Dad
They were my 1st love, an arranged marriage my dad forced on me. Now, I’ll never have a ring to show for it. In this towering ice world of commerce and street ball courts, KP was our last hope.

 
Worst part about trading KP is lack of faith in Uni flying high again. Fizdale still thinks Black Lives Matter is a great idea, so how smart can he be? Belittling European bigs has become his claim to fame. My age of innocence is 100% dead. Knicks fans hearts no longer matter.

 

I can’t believe the Knicks traded KP for anyone but Anthony Davis. I’m seriously considering divorcing my wife to get a talk radio job in Dallas because KP is what remained of my love for the Knicks and it’s really hard to let Uni fly away.

The End

By,
Michael Kornbluth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s