Bernie Sanders Does Williamsburg

Stay At Home Comedian
4000 thousand dollars for our car wipes out all of our savings.
Daddy, how close are we to robbing a bank?
Stay At Home Comedian
My only experience pulling the trigger is when I get the spins.


I hate older folk who expect my kids to get the fuck out of the way before they do. It’s like expecting hick tourists in Times Square to direct foot traffic on News Years Eve or plow ahead with forceful determination to the front of the bar during Happy Hour outside of Grand Central.

If an upper middle aged couple doesn’t come close to smiling in the presence of your 3 beautiful, joyous spewing offspring while waiting for the train in Katonah, NY. It means, their sex life isn’t the incredible filler substitute to keep them hanging on.


Bernie Sanders Campaigning in Brooklyn 

Do I look like Obama 2.0 to you? Does it look I spend much time at the beach in Maui or in Sand Traps in Martha’s Vineyard. I haven’t seen my wife in a bathing suit since 85.

Hillary shouldn’t have chosen Lena Dunham has her social media manager. Only Lena could make Hillary less likable and relatable in one blubbery swoop.

Trump never debated me before. He ducked me like Rock did when he was afraid to take on Mr. T until he insulted his woman. 2 can play at the that game. F Mueller. Trump has ties to Russia, duh. What mail order bride owner doesn’t?

Kamala Harris is Hillary Clinton in Ann Taylor because she can’t afford Armani pantsuits yet. And don’t even get me started on Kristen Gilliblah.
My suit posses more personality than Harvey Hair Clumps Weinstein’s fat cat benefactor.

Karl Marx is overrated. And he was never impressive enough to have the Democratic nomination stole under his nose in broad daylight.


Technically speaking, I should’ve been the nominee over Hillary Hammer Time Cankles. And I wouldn’t have required Donna Brazile to give me the debate questions in advance either. Seth Rich never heard of the guy.


The End


Michael Kornbluth




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