The Queer Word

Anyone who uses the expression, I sense you’re light in the loafers or queer only makes gay, bi or trans people gay as shit for never being ordinary hackish like them.

Anyone who uses the expression, I sense you’re light in the loafers or queer was never a dominant enough Alpha in High School to rise above playing school bully because their small brains are stuck on mush soft from the 80’s.

Anyone who uses the expression, I sense you’re light in the loafers or queer couldn’t sound anymore witless ordinary if they tried. Eccentric behavior for them is watching Emo Phillips with Slayer playing in the background once.

Int. Home-Daughter’s 8 Year Old Birthday Party

Wife’s Friend
Still doing stand-up?
SAP Consultant Father In Law
Not lately.
Stay At Home Comedian
You’d think his 3 grandchildren occupied all his free time blowing off SAP Recruiters and Sales and Distribution modules.

Wife
Baby was really into my dad.
Stay At Home Comedian
It must be his comatose, edge free personality.
But keep on thinking the schlocky Leprechaun hats from Trader Joes made him more endearing.

Making my in-laws blatantly uncomfortable, as I crack wise in front of my daughter’s friend’s mom.

I get my 2 older kids in bed by 9. Then, I’ll listen to my podcast with baby in bed for a grand finale. He claps at the end of shorter episodes.

Making my in-laws blatantly uncomfortable as I flirt with my daughter’s friend’s mother to cap of my kids birthday bash.

Neil Young dating Daryl Hannah. He’s going though a post mid life, never banged a Mermaid crisis.

Mom laughs long time.

 

Making my in-laws blatantly uncomfortable, as I crack wise in front of my daughter’s friend’s mom.

Bed sharing, attachment parenting, turning your bed in a 24/7 milk bar is good for kids. It’s like planting seeds of self-esteem on steroids.

Making my in-laws blatantly uncomfortable, as I crack wise in front of my daughter’s friend’s mom.

The core curriculum for 2nd grade is hardcore. Number sentences. I’m a degenerate Jew who has to count with his fingers for simple arithmetic.

 

Making my in-laws blatantly uncomfortable, as I crack wise in front of my daughter’s friend’s mom.
I don’t mind sharing the bed with our baby. I’ll take my snuggling 40’s over my lucky to get out alive of LA, swinging 20’s, any day of the week.

 

 

Younger Brother
I’ll try to make it there by 5. Jane has to do some serious grading.
Stay At Home Comedian
Serious grading, she teaches ESL for expressionless Japanese teenagers reared on Hello Kitty.

Younger Brother
I’ll try to make it there by 5. Jane has to do some serious grading.
Stay At Home Comedian
You’d think she made major cheddar like Tony Morrison grading AP student papers on Mice and Men.

Younger Brother
I’ll try to make it there by 5. Jane has to do some serious grading.
Stay At Home Comedian
For who, suburban Chinese students who get penalized for perfect standardized test scores regardless.

Younger Brother
I’ll try to make it there by 5. Jane has to do some serious grading.
Stay At Home Comedian
Serious grading, is she teaching the new Obama 2.0? Chances are, his school records will be sealed anyway.

 

Int. Home-Birthday Party
Stay At Home Comedian
Is that your Benz outside? Hitler’s drive by car of choice.
Is your boss Raymond Dalio at Bridgewater going to enter the Democratic race to unseat Trump? Or is he another ball-less blowhard like Jamie Dimon?

 

INT. Office
Daughter’ Friend
Matilda, tells me your publishing a book? I even took a peak and read a bit.

Stay At Home Comedian
You can tell your mom, my 1st moral parenting stance, was insisting my daughter only watched Woody Allen films with me which came out pre-Soon Yi.

INT. HOME
Stay At Home Comedian
Is your baby sister the 1st thing you think about in the morning?
Daughter’s Friend
I think about how my dad bumped her head against the wall.
Stay At Home Comedian
God made kids putz proof. Thank God.

 

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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