Sticking Up for Alanis Morissette

My 8 year old daughter playing the role of wedding coach.
Take a breather Daddy. Mama got your point mid breath.

Morning Prayer:
Thank you Lord for my 3 kids hearts and for them being sweet to Daddy all the time, Mama most of the time. Don’t look at me like that Lord, you made my oversensitive heart, not me.

How much was my communication degree from Ithaca college in 99 worth?
I still graduated with a stutter at 22. All my diploma prepared me for was colossal ego impalement and teary, heartbroken defeat as a cold calling IT recruiter my 1st 6 months on the job.

INT. College Dorm Room
My Virgin Releaser
You have to listen to Alanis.
She’s Jimi with words.
College Me
Would you go down on me on your futon then when your roommate isn’t looking? Burying her head into your 3 foot bong again?

Sticking up for Alanis Morissette
So babe, we’re listening to Alanis in the car and our daughter repeats. Would she go down on you in a theater? Wife says. What a slut. I reply. Jagged Little Pill sold 15 million records. But sound more jaded fake feminist.

Alanis Morissette making things awkward real fast.
Int. Car
Daughter
Daddy, why would Alanis scratch her nails down some guy’s back?
Doesn’t sound very lady like to me. Ivanka Trump she’s not. My younger brother on a bad day, sure.

Me being forced to explain Alanis Morissette lyrics to my 8 year old daughter. You took me out to wine, dine, sixty nine. What is Alanis taking about dada? Is 69 chapter 69 in the Kama Sutra daddy? Tell me or I’ll google it at school. I’m screwed.

Donna Brazile admitted in her book about Hillary Hammer Time Cankles getting the debate questions in advance. She was also in the hospital the night Seth Rich was murdered for exposing devil horns Podesta. Not good for CNN, Trump granted her diplomatic immunity.

INT. HOME
Daughter
Daddy, mommy told me I can be a mommy without having a daddy drain me of every last drop of my love, Artificial Insemination.
Do It All Dad
3rd term abortion rights aren’t enough? Now we must wipe out any do it all dad parental influence?

INT. Bedroom
Wife
Going to my high school reunion is a bad idea, right?
Do It All Dad
I prepared a roast for it and enjoyed myself.
Wife
But you had friends.
Do it All Dad
3 kids later, you’re not making yourself any more mountable.

INT. Home
Wife
Going to my high school reunion is a bad idea, right?
Do It All Dad
I prepared a roast for it and enjoyed myself.
Wife
But you had friends.
Do it All Dad
They came to my shows. Your college friends did to. It made up for it.

INT. Bedroom
Wife
Going to my high school reunion is a bad idea, right?
Do It All Dad
I prepared a roast for it and enjoyed myself.
Wife
But you had friends.
Do it All Dad
Marriage, kids, and my surging ego kissed those goodbye.

INT. HOME
Daughter
Daddy, mommy told me I can be a mommy without getting married, Artificial Insemination.
Dad
So daddy could disappear from your life today and you’d be OK with it?
Daughter
No, daddy, you’re perfect, best of the rest.
Dad
Good answer.

INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Matilda, tells me she’s going to have baby through artificial insemination now.
Wife
Because nobody can compare to you.
Do It All Dad
I do like the idea of no penis every entering my daughter.
But look how Hillary turned out.

Int. Home
Beautiful Boy not on H or Crystal Meth
Daddy, I’d give you a yummy dance but I’m too busy devouring this.

Little brother, Head Banger’s Ball whizzes around the room.

Do It All Dad
Thank God my world revolves around you kids.

 

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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