Joan Lives

Reason for my call to Optimum?
Sanity connectivity issues because my wife is failing at entertaining my children without Cloud assistance.

INT. HOME-AM
Stay At Home Comedian
So, Mueller’s got goonish. Do you think Erica is keeping Patrick away from sharp objects today like Jim Carey’s alter assistant ego who let’s him off the hook for driving his ex into a premature grave.

I love Jeff Bezos for just making play Kiss on Alexa possible around my 3 kids on the nights mommy is working. My Kiss army, was made for loving this do it all dad baby, they were made for loving me.

Cops found a dead man on the F Train in Queens during Friday’s morning rush. Dead company excluded.

675 days of Investigation and all Bob Mueller exposed was the NY Times unflinching commitment to restoring all the subscribers they lost for predicting Huma Licker Breath would beat Trump. And you elitist, mush brained, mooks took the bait.

Barbara Streisand clarifies her Leaving Neverland comments.
I feel nothing but sympathy for Michael’s Jackson’s accusers. Would it make you feel better if I called them naive, groupies who didn’t know what they were getting into?

Eddie Murphy commenting on the Leaving Neverland doc.
Michael was my friend but I wasn’t letting any of my 9 kids sleepover at his house. I can impersonate anything Michael can do, except. I love woman, in all shapes & forms baby.

Chelsea Handler admits to being very sexually attracted to Mueller. Sorry babe, but your primo sex tape audition tapes to curry favor in your favor of your impeachment fantasies with less legs than Lieutenant Dan are over. Joan lives.

The finale for Eastbound and Down is still perfect. Danny McBride is a national treasure, a serially underrated, comedic genius of his time. As Kenny Powers would say, “All men can’t be created equal.” It’s my line but you get the point.

Memo to Beto.
No doubt Trump sought Putin’s help. Are you still shit talking after Ted Cruz whipped your ass? You’re the second coming of Obama the way C Thomas Howell was the second coming of Belushi in Soul Man and not half Albanian.

Robert Kraft spa tapes may be released to the public. But what’s the upside to this I can’t find on Christina Tight http://Coochie.com ? Also, a sting operation tape is a bigger boner kill than Meghan McCain defending her dad again.

There’s no way Keenen Ivory Wayans likes Jordan Peele one bit. I’ll add Robert Townsend to the list, Eddie Griffin. Chris Rock, might muster, “Hey what’s up man, would love to work with you some time.” But not really mean it ever.

Memo to Joy Reid:
The DOJ handling of the Mueller Report feels like the seeds of a cover up?
I bet your mush brain couldn’t handle one hit of the Chronic, you know the good stuff without seeds and stems without your remaining brain cell going up in smoke.

Never a big fan of Patton Oswalt but this tweet makes feel good about it.
“No Russian collusion, USA elected, racist sex predator by ourselves.”
Obama spent 45,000 on hot dogs and pizza. Care to comment dumpy? Besides, Kayne West knows friendship best.

INT. MINI MONSTER GOLF
Michael Jackson plays.
Daughter
Is that Michael Jackson daddy?
Stay At Home Comedian
I guess the DJ is a closeted Barbara Streisand fan at heart.
He’s in the who wouldn’t want to be stroked by a pop star camp.

INT. HOUSE-AM
Stay At Home Comedian
What outside activity would you like to do with the kids later?
Wife
I haven’t thought about it.
Stay At Home Comedian
But you’re the one who wanted kids.
I just wanted to kill on stage for a living.

Barbara Streisand defending Michael Jackson.
His 2 accusers didn’t mind his company. Name one pubescent boy in the eighties who wouldn’t have minded getting their cherry popped by the King of Pop? Michael has his sexual needs like Vatican City.

Ext. Home-NY
Neighbor
Is the baby wearing shoes?
Stay At Home Comedian
Was Hillary claiming her deleted emails were yoga related a stretch? Yes, the other deleted emails detailed burial spots in the woods if Chelsea’s fiance increased his asking price at the last sec.

 

The End

By,

Micahel Kornbluth

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s