Making Bank Money Already

Wish I subbed my no show, whiny Jewish Grandma for a wise black grandma as her fill in for my wedding. Post an ad on Craig’s List. Tyler Perry impersonators are welcome. Must be comfortable performing in front of white audiences only.

Email Pitch to American Thinker:
Here’s, my last blog post, let’s see if your high standards of comedy are in sniffing distance of mine. My daughter as Miss America. Give it up for Miss America. Trump, keep your hands up high where I can see them.

Int. Bedroom
Kids are dangling off the bed before evening reading time.
Stay At Home Comedian
Focus guys.
Daughter
It’s fun Dada. Remember childhood.
Stay At Home Comedian
Didn’t have much memory rich moments with dad in between.

INT. BEDROOM
Son
Daddy, you’re naked.
Dad
I’m topless. Some strip clubs are all nude. You see full vagina and everything.
Son
I prefer no hair.
Dad
How do you know about hairy bushes?
Son
Mama
Dad
Big boobs complement it better.

INT. HOUSE
Weed Dealer
Hudson Valley news reported weed is being laced with Fentanyl.
Stay At Home Comedian
You really know how to get me in the mood.
You’re worse than my wife. At least, you’re not reprimanding me for my aggressive tone.

INT. GARAGE
Son
Can I change my name?
Stay At Home Comedian
Nikki Sixx did.
Son
When I get older, I’m going to change my name to Michael.
Stay At Home Comedian
You want to be named after daddy? Parenting does matter.
Got an apology for me NY Times?

INT. HOBBY SHOP
Clerk
We don’t sell drone planes as much since they stopped the registration requirement.

Stay At Home Comedian
Good to know I’m not only one paranoid about Obama trying to wipe out whitey by any means necessary.

INT. WINE SHOP
Stay At Home Comedian
Is this Cab dehydrating?
Wine Clerk
Dehydrating?
Stay At Home Comedian
Yeah, will give it me dry cotton mouth and Hillary guilty as sin triggered cough fits of despair?

INT. WINE SHOP
Owner
I still cringe when Trump speaks sometimes.
Stay At Home Comedian
When he get’s a tad too comfortable riffing on stage knowing he can wing it because Ron White lives in Beverly Hills.

Trumps mentally unfit, Trump’s going to jail, Trump’s a scumbag, Trump’s made your life a living hell. But he’s a loser, not you Palmer Report. Trump’s day so far, wake up next to Melania, with 4 billion in the bank, dreaming of Ivanka in 2024.

I’m still waiting for Leborn James to stage a fake suicide this offseason, so Jemele Hill can blame it on Trump’s rising tide of masculinity in the Atlantic.

Biden can make the old man grope a dope move great again.

House Democrats are heading to court to get the Mueller report. They’re like spurned groupies of JD Salinger, lost in the wilderness without the full reveal of his magnum opus.

INT. DAYCARE
Security Card
Sleep in today?
Stay At Home Comedian
Actually, was doing kettle bells with my son.
Then, we hit up drive thru dunkin for him.
Or else I’m circumcising his happiness.
Security Guard laughs long time.

I’ll give the resistance this much. Michelle Obama flapping with joy in slacks on Ellen was no cover up. How can you be such an authority? Because I don’t think a Tampon can hang that low. And my uncle freebased with Richard Pryor.

Obama told Tlaib, he’s proud of her because he’s demonizing Hymie better than he ever could. He’s just chilling, enjoying the show. smack talking, it’s hard to look this good, sitting on my ass, eating more Caramel swirl sorbet Michelle.

Rham blames “toxic ” Trump for Jussie hate hoax. Michelle bitch slapped him after his press conference to let him know which way the wind blows. Yelling, does the name Joan Rivers mean anything to you punk ass bitch?

 

House Democrats are heading to court to get the Mueller report. And then what, grade it an F plus? Photoshop yellow laced letters on top it spelling out KGB was here? 65,000 seal indictments, Trump isn’t one bitches. Resist this, losers.

Do It All Dad potty training his 2 year old son at the Stop and Shop bathroom.

If your antsy and you know it. It means dad took adderall on a Saturday during his ordained day of rest again like Andy Dick minus the career.

Do It All Dad potty training his 2 year old son at Stop and Shop.

Do you want to use the potty like daddy when you get older? Instead of your German Au Pair as a pleasant change of pace. Assuming, your marriage is bursting at the seams.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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