Overt Bitch Test

Overt Bitch Test
Do you like the Cauliflower Angel Wings Babe?
If you like it raw.
Old Dirty knew better than give the bone to just one bitch.

INT. GUITAR STORE
Daughter
Do you think the name Nightmare is a good Heavy Metal Band name?
Stay At Home Comedian
I think Alice Cooper just sprouted a stubby.

INT. Lego Store-Yonkers, NY
Stay At Home Comedian
Kids we’re leaving.
The Lego Store Worker blatantly ignoring our presence at the cash register is proving how white reverse racism works in real time. Oh no he didn’t, yes I did.

INT. Uniqlo

Daughter
Daddy, can I take a selfie in my new nightie?
Stay At Home Comedian
No, especially no nightie pics on Instagram when you’re a teenager ever.
Based on mama’s sproutage, I’m not sweating bullets over your blossomy breast upheaval either.

INT. PIZZERIA
Pizza Guy
Still rocking the Knicks gear?
Stay At Home Comedian
Convinced Dolan paid off a girl to accuse KP of rape because his aggressive brother agent reminded him too much of Russian gangsters in 25th hour.

Pizza Guy laughs long time.

Int. Home
Daughter
Daddy, whose better Michael Jackson or Shakira?
Mom
Michael Jackson is evil.
Daughter
What does that mean dada?
Do It All Dad
It means he got away with murdering ages of innocence like a smooth criminal.

Iron Man 2 is great. John Favreau is an American treasure. He directed Elf and Will Ferrell was never funnier outside of Eastbound and Down. Gwyenth is even quite bangable in Iron Man 2 and not annoying at all. Mickey Rourke’s face looks normal.

INT. HOME
Son
Daddy, why did Dr. Wenick tell me to hug Matilda every day.
Stay At Home Comedian
So she doesn’t become jaded in her older thirties who places more importance on a suitor’s political leanings over his do good actions.

INT. CAR
Daughter
Daddy, I’ve got no brownie game.
Shannon can make them, Eva can make some sort of pastry.
Mama can’t even teach me how to make space cakes for my balling hippie artists friends in the big city when I get older.

INT. HOME
Daughter
Daddy, why did Dr. Wenick tell us to play more board games?
Stay At Home Comedian
So you can force your grandparents to take a time out from CNN whenever they’re around to engage you again.

INT. HOME
Wife
DVD Players are antiquated.
Stay At Home Comedian
It’s for our daughter’s bedroom.
And she’s an old soul.
Plus, stop equating cool with cloud based modern technologies.
Grow up already babe.

INT. HOME
Wife
The Extra Small nightie would’ve been better because it wouldn’t droop as low and show her nipples.
Stay At Home Comedian
Nipples, they’re molish dots.
Also, the nightie covering up enchilada is more important babe.

The End

By

Michael Kornbluth

 

2 thoughts on “Overt Bitch Test

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