Slices of Heaven

INT. CAR
Son
In Arizona, I saw Heaven on a cloud daddy.
Stay At Home Comedian
Too bad you can’t score a good slice of NY Pizza in Arizona, if your afterlife in eternal, blissed out Heaven depended on it.

Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new intern for MSNBC.
Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.

INT. DAYCARE
Stay At Home Comedian
You kids want to stand by your man’s commitment to avoid drinking his daily Tall Boy serving of Pap’s during the week. Don’t stock the fridge with Raspberry Lime Seltzer.

Memo to Comey:
Trump tried to burn down the FBI.
50 percent of your book never felt more like a shitty deal.

Let’s compare US President legacies only 2 years in.
Obama let Americans die of Fentanyl without treating it like an epidemic,, ravaging our heartland inside and out. Pictures of Trump hugging flags inspired my kids to do the same.

INT. DAYCARE
Stay At Home Comedian
You girls want to keep your future men happy? Never stock the fridge with Raspberry Lime Seltzer. I’d rather drink Michelle Obama’s line of Jolly Green Giant Kombucha’s.

Pope prefers we call migrants as migrant people. I have no problem with this order Pope. When we can we start calling you the Father enabler protector of pedophile priests, for covering up another widespread invasion to your holiness?

Google employees lashing out at conservatives being put on their AI council.

Conservatives don’t have gay friends. How can they tell the difference between an artificially manufactured gay voice versus a pure creepy organic one from Peter Theil?

House Democrats want oversight for all of Fox’s editorial decisions. But President Trump is the dictator, threatening free speech in this country. They can’t stand being blasted for the deplorable, racist, elitist retards, they are.

Democrats subpoena threat for Mueller Report. Pressure builds on Barr. For what, delivering all the 65,000 sealed indictments door to door personally by April 5?

Eric Holder on MSNBC.
Trump will go down the worst US President in history. Shouldn’t you be busy stuffing Pinatas with more free guns to kill ICE agents with? Hands up, don’t shoot the messenger, you anti-American jihadist, piece of shit.

Giving money to Beto is liking giving money to Demetri Martin’s cousin with even less stage presence and worst puns to hang the mantle of stand-up comedy’s savior on.

Memo to Joe Biden:
Thanks for making me feel like a self-conscious creep for kissing my wife’s head. I was just being affectionate now feels like I’m in sniffing distance of turning into liver spotted gentile pedophile, thanks.

INT. HOME
Wife
Dumbo was 6:45, not 6.
It wasn’t fun killing time in a shopping mall parking lot in Carmel.
Stay At Home Comedian
3 kids later, can you make up your mind over whether you enjoy our kids company to the maximum degree or not.

311 Music is still a perfect album. It’s too cool for ANTIFA to know about, let alone play at their Hitler youth, non-fascist, fascist front rallies, hurling bags of piss at officers told stand down, who should be throwing their asses down.

INT. CAR
Stay At Home Comedian
Where was Baseball created Romania or America?
Son
Who invented God, Greeks or the Americans? Joke, only God invented God.
Stay At Home Comedian
I thought you were watching Real Time on HBO behind my back.

The End,

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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