Unplanned Fan Favorites

MSNBC defending Joe Biden.
America needs a Joe Biden hug because Rape Wood’s most watched endorsed news channel knows best.

Beyonce walking out of a Reebok meeting because it’s not diverse enough. I don’t see enough light skinned Nubian beauties thicker around the waist and busted in the face compared to me makeup on or not.

INT. DICKS
Stay At Home Comedian
A practice putting green.
Now, my sons don’t have to get bored to death reading Jack Welch’s business book because I already did. In summary, rich business people play golf, so don’t suck at it.

Cher defending Joe Biden.
He’s a safe hugger. David Geffen who I used to bang turned into a full blown homosexual banging Calvin Klein models rejects left and right. So, I’m a real authority on the subject of pure intention based huggers.

INT. DAYCARE
Kids are putting together an extra long Duplo creation together.

Mrs. Russo
It’s so long.
Stay At Home Comedian
That’s what Pamela Lee said.

Mrs. Russo laughs long time and her chest wiggles with delight.

Great Aunt calls.
Left you a VM about meeting you guys for Brunch. I never listened to the message. If you don’t listen to your voicemails, you won’t know what messages you got. But you’re telling me now, right?

Good Will Hoodie, you know Zit Face Zuck proposes regulating political immigration speech. He’s worse than the Pope. How will you regulate political immigration speech? Declare Sharia Law on Facebook and rebrand it Hijab Book?

INT. COURTHOUSE
Judge
I was a big fan of your show.
Sometimes, you were a bit crude.
Craig Carton
Is this a sentencing or you trying to show the Bailiff you know what a parlay is without having to Google it?

In honor of Kurt Cobain. Who I love despite killing off Ratt’s brand of shimmering, hair metal sleaze.

Courtney Love is Mia Farrow with better husband selection.

INT. COURTHOUSE
Judge
1st time, long time.
Craig Carton
You’re not good with Twitter are you?
Sentence me already, you joyless wench.

Gillette’s latest and greatest campaign features obese Trans models. No offense, but my entire attraction to Trans Models stems from their zero percent stomach fat and statuesque long legs compared to my wife, no offense.

INT. CARTERS
Worker
Interested in our mailing list for coupons?
Stay At Home Comedian
4 kids would really piss my parents off but I’ll pass.
Sperm implanter or Sperm terminator isn’t up to me.
I got no reproductive rights babe, remember?

The Doors by Oliver Stone could be his best film after Born on the Fourth. Platoon is great obviously but Charlie Sheen is no Val Kilmer. Plus, I read Charlie Sheen sodomized Lucas. So he can go fuck himself and get HIV again.

A Gyro burrito in a spinach wrap with feta, banana peppers, rice and bomb Tzatziki when you can taste the fresh cut dill is worth rolling a fatty for before housing one later. I enjoyed mine sober off adderall but still.

INT. BAKERY
Stay At Home Comedian
The Emoji cookie where he’s grinding his exposed teeth looking like Jill Biden inside.
Bakery Lady
I like Joe Biden
Stay At Home Comedian
You should let him use your granddaughter for a stage prop then.

INT. CARTERS
Worker
What’s your email?
Stay At Home Dad Comedian
Doitalldadyear@outlook.com.
My wife is pushing for a vasectomy.
So I don’t need any coupons for any future unplanned fan favorites of me.
Sperm Terminator is my future.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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