I don’t understand why a trans would want to join the military unless they can’t afford a sex change operation or have a rape in the shower not checked off their fantasy bucket list yet.
Lebron James is struggling to fill roles for Space Jam 2. I thought my East Bound and Down spec would secure me a writing fellowship at Warner Brothers but Lebron’s repellent, toxic bitch ass masculinity is 10 times more hilarious to watch unfurl.
Lori Loughlin freaking out over jail.
Hillary walks but not me?
Chelsea is dumb as bricks. She’s not even University of Arizona material because she still looks busted. John Stamos is a pussy hound. Maybe, he can call in a favor to Trump on my behalf.
Memo to Al Sharpton:
Trump is a causing a rise in hate crimes.
And Michelle Obama believes Jussie Smollett is the angelic love child of James Baldwin.
Pope blames the Priest rape epidemic on the 60’s sexual revolution. Name one Christian Rock band who performed at Woodstock? The lead singer of Stryper wasn’t even born yet your holiness.
Why don’t you want kids Matilda?
They’re expensive and you have to give up jobs you love.
Stay At Home Comedian
She’s talking about me giving up on making loser hipsters laugh at Brooklyn open mikes.
Rashida Talib holding an end Muslim ban press conference.
Who doesn’t want more of me? My husband is restricted from answering that question according to Sharia Law.
AG Barr is a pawn of the President. I thought he was your worst nightmare lying Lieu. Stop acting witty like a wannabe John Cho with still funny Jewish resistor comedy writers at your disposal.
Youtube restricted Candace’s Owen’s testimony to Congress on it’s site because she doesn’t sound as southern gospel sassy as Diamond and Silk.
Bust them up good Cruz. And keep the beard. You no longer reek of clam juice as much.
Bernie Sanders touring the Rust Belt.
Triple A is my best friend during winters in Vermont.
Ford being chummy with Hitler doesn’t bother me one bit.
Now, who wants some free healthcare?
Ann Coulter running into Ivanka at Jamba Juice.
What do I get? I’m more indecisive than your hub Jared Kushner at the salad bar at the Bellagio. Double Shot of Wheatgrass please. It does wonders for your bitter laced sense of humor. Not that you have one.
Amazon workers listening to my Alexa conversations.
He still asks for Bruce Springsteen songs so we can’t hate the big headed Jew for being a Trumpian supporter Nazi.
Lebron James at home talking to his wife .
Magic’s gone. The perfect excuse for me to demand a trade.
Wife says. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight Dwight Howard.
Kobe, Magic and Trump watching made you choke away your legacy chump.
Crime Justice Lawyers are so hot right now. It helps when you’re at the top of the Porcupine Puss chain. Good for Kim, some 2 plus years she’s had already. She can change her middle name to prison reform at this point for Christ sake.
Hillary in the woods today.
I told Obama to drone strike Julian Assange’s ass before he got a piece of a torn up Pamela. Lolita Express is the least of our concerns Bill. At least, Chelsea isn’t ugly anymore.
Wife freaking out over me going to Vegas to see Aerosmith in July with an old school LA bud. I don’t trust you. I’m celebrating the release of my book, so try to have a little faith in me. But you don’t want me giving up my friends.
Old school LA bud texts about our trip to Vegas to see Aerosmith.
Bring your big boy pants.
I won’t turn down a neck massage in our private cabana while listening to Permanent Vacation.
The Obama administration didn’t spy on the Trump campaign. They’re were just eavesdropping because Trump sound like he’s the head of 7 families in Mobsters.
Memo to Baby Face Omar
9/11 was “some people did something.”
That’s like saying the war against terror is never ending as long as Muslims keep fucking. It’s sad but true. Acid attacks in England are a flattering look for your people though.
Do It All Dad reads Pauline Kael’s review of Ingmar Bergman’s Magic Flute.
Daddy, this is boring.
It’s good writing.
Warren Beatty banged her once, I think.
She might have done punch up work on Ishtar.