1 kid only means you’re for walls against unwanted foreign invaders.
Jeff Ross roasting Jim Acosta.
What are you exactly? Because you’re not suave enough to be a Cuban spy. Does CNN just shove a mike in front of anybody with good hair? Who doesn’t look too Tommy Lee Alt-Rightish.
What did Barr lie about again? Mueller parting his hair without any product. Insisting he used nothing but good old fashioned elbow grease.
What did Barr lie about again? Telling Lindsey Graham how much he loves how President Trump has made ball busting great again.
Trumpian (N) A patriot who knows Obama is the real sketchy, lying, egomaniac. Who did less to empower gay black power than Jussie Smollett.
God didn’t give me 3 kids to give me night screams over it. Then again, I don’t have Jussie Smollet’s active imagination.
Trump’s a white nationalist. But Trump lead our embassy move to Jerusalem. So technically speaking, he’s a Hebrew Nationalist.
What statement is Sports Illustrated making by having a Muslim model sporting a burka bikini in their annual swimsuit issue? Just focus on her Kathy Ireland eyes infidel.
I ask Alexa to turn to the light on to Red Light District Red. So my 2 sons can experience the sexy allure of grown woman prostitutes on window display.
Instagram banned a photo of Don Junior and a wounded vet. Because the vet was black, patriotic and no fan of fake news fro Collin Kaepernick. I’m assuming. But at least Kaepernick got paid fake news slave reparations. Right Spike?
Kimberly Guilfoyle is hot. Over family dinners at Mar A Lago. If I’m Eric Trump, I’d resent Don Junior’s do over, shot at love. Thinking, great, I’m stuck playing Patch Adams for St. Jude. And baby bro gets to mount her at will.
Critically acclaimed dramas are off the list. The tragic hero committed suicide in their pursuit of happiness. What an uplifting reveal, I just wasted 2 hours of my life on. Thanks for more overrated rebooted cliches Rape Wood.
Pete Davidson on blowing off a comedy show.
The owner made fun of my break up with Kate Beckinsale. And I’m still not over being the rebound boy toy king for Generation Z.
INT. DENTIST OFFICE
How do you feel after your cleaning?
Stay At Home Comedian
A tad less scum baggy.
Dentist laughs long time.
Married podcasting couples are a thing. They discuss neighborhood gossip. So they get out of the house more than I do. I hate them all already.
Barr is lying, Barr has virtually disqualified himself, Barr should step down. You’re only making him more angry. Rocky does more than beat Clubber Lang in their rematch. Balboa knocks out him out early. I see Barr going for it.
Mueller on the DNC Servers.
I didn’t examine the DNC Servers because I preferred to minimize follow up questioning with Debbie Wolf Face Wasserman. Her ugly chompers make Michelle Wolf look fetching.
Omar being Omar.
This country is not going to be the country of white people.
You’re not helping your cause.
Neither did the pretty faced Kenyan, slim shady Obama.
Sound more like a broken Paul Mooney record, Jew lover you.
Most convincing condom ad ever, Skyn Condom “Feel Everything.”
I always freaked out when I’d feel everything because it meant the condom ripped. Thinking sex is fun again and I’m going to die for it.
Jefferey Tambor flipping out on the set of Transparent.
Real lady like, pissing on my toilet seat. Now get out of my trailer you butchy bitch, hey now.
How is President Trump inciting violence against Baby Face Omar?
Sure, incest is a big no, no in the Old Testament. But I don’t recall President Trump putting a spotlight on her marrying her brother to secure US citizenship.
My impersonation if I’m a Robert Dinero Trumpian supporter.
Fuck the NY Times.
Fuck Baby Face Omar.
Fuck Palmer Putz Report.
Fuck She He Michelle.
Fuck Shadow Drama Obama.
Fuck Sore Loser Huma Licker Breath.
Daddy, what does sensitive mean?
Stay At Home Comedian
Liar, liar pants on fire congressmen freaking out over being investigated of real life seditious collusion against a duly elected President.
Heart to heart with my perfect boy.
Compliment your sister on almost breaking the school high jump record at 8. I’ll fail as a father if you’re not your sister’s number 1 builder upper. Not that she needs it.
What statement is Sports Illustrated making by having a Muslim model sporting a burka bikini in their annual swimsuit issue? Death to American made boners.
What statement is Sports Illustrated making by having a Muslim model sporting a springier, Mugatu conjuring bikini in their annual swimsuit issue? Fun, fun, fun, till Elle Macpherson’s sand scattered navel went away.