Incapable of Introspection

How did ANTIFA win over Boomer Resistors? Oh, that’s right, they’re spoiled white kids who shit on the cops and military, knowing the media and Hollywood has their back. So much for the times changing Bob.

Lets talk about ANTIFA.
You’re the freaking white nationalist racist if you think only brown people from the Middle East can be classified as terrorists. Torching conservative dorm rooms in college isn’t associated with hazing.

Lets talk about ANTIFA again.
You’re the freaking white nationalist racist if you think only brown people from the Middle East can be classified as terrorists. If you set Berkeley on fire because big bad, Ben Shapiro is in town to speak.

INT. CAR-AM
Son
Was Mary Jewish?
Stay At Home Comedian
I’m not well versed on the New Testament but Jesus hadn’t invented Christianity yet. And according to Jewish law, Jesus could only be deemed Jewish if the mother was.

Good Will Hoodie at Facebook, really hates it when you promote your love of God on his site. But posts praising the all mighty wisdom of a prophet into child marriage and killing flamboyant burka designers is kosher in his book.

Future conversation with my younger brother about his upcoming wedding.

I’m only allowing my 3 children to have a special role in your wedding because mom deserves a sliver of happiness after all you’ve put her through.

Why is Barr being called a liar again? All he did was summarize a front for what should’ve been the Hillary Witch Trials.

INT. BEDROOM-PM
Son
Make out with Owly.
Stay At Home Comedian pretends to make out with his son’s new stuffed animal Owly.
Son
Daddy, Owly is a boy.
Stay At Home Comedian
How many more tongue darts make me gay for Trans Owls?

INT. HOUSE
Wife
You should be happy I don’t spend thousands of dollars on bras from Victoria Secret.
Stay At Home Comedian
You really know how to perk up my spirits 7 years into marriage.

God working in mysterious ways.
Scottsdale, Arizona is sunny 299 days a year yet when my family was flown in to see my parents last in March it wasn’t. Not the ideal backdrop to sell us on trading endless green back east for piles of rocks.

Trump resistors are incapable of opinion changing introspection because they’re too full of false bravado, fake news morality and all consuming hate for not being as beloved by their own children for starters.

Not done talking about ANTIFA.

Anyone who defends and normalizes ANTIFA’s violent tactics against peaceful Trump supporters aren’t good people. They’re fake news moralists, fascist enabling, Uni Brow Maddow licking, anarchist apologists.

Sexualizing my kid’s stuffed Spidy Bear.

Arthur, can I donate Spidy Bear? It looks too Care Bear gimpy.

Eventual call with my younger brother.
So you want my kids to play special roles in your wedding?
Despite you playing zero role in my 3 kids lives for 8 years and counting. Pimping out my kids to make you look good is fair.

But you use good ingredients says, I don’t trust your cooking instincts enough to improvise like John Leguizamo.

Jeff Bezos texting his lover.

I want to smell you.

OK, so we all can’t be Poet Lauretes.

Bald Ears can afford not to be.

INT. HOME
Wife
I should divorce you over the boiler room.
Stay At Home Comedian
You don’t hear me complaining about your box feeling less than cramped.

INT. HOME
Son shows me his drawing.
Son
Dada look, Trump money.
Stay At Home Comedian
I don’t see Kenya giving Obama his own money.
Obama’s so not money and Kenyans know it.

INT. HOME
Wife
Don’t let Arthur pump gas. It has Ethanol.
People who work at gas stations have higher risks of getting cancer.
Stay At Home Comedian
And come out as Blue Oyster bar frequenting, suicidal, Judas Priest fans.

INT. BEDROOM-PM

Son
Make out with Owly.

Stay At Home Comedian pretends to make out with his son’s new stuffed animal Owly.

Son
Daddy, Owly is a boy.

Stay At Home Comedian
John Podesta wouldn’t give a hoot.

INT. HOUSE
Wife
What do you think?
Stay At Home Comedian
I like how the bra isn’t from the Handmaid’s Tale catalog.

Male masturbation today is a must. It’s our only safety rail left.

Pissing off any Baby Boomer on purpose.

Stevie Nick’s voice is a notch above Madonna. Her songwriting is more overrated than Joni Mitchell. Last, she has no real rockers and looks like a frumpy gypsy hunchback.

INT. Salem Fence
Assistant
No daycare today.
Stay At Home Dad
I work from home bitch.
But I appreciate your interest in blowing money on daytime babysitting we can’t afford.

TNT Halftime Review
Kenny Smith is a politically correct snooze. Shaq’s Lebron love is nauseating. Ernie makes nice a blood face sucking liability. Barkley exists to make Shaq look more uptight in his suit than he already is.

I gave up drinking beer last summer because it was humiliating. Spending so much time outside my home, hungover, recycling, living reminders of my lushyness as entire Rocky Marathons on AMC passed me by.

INT. METRONORTH
Leaf Blower
This shaky train is making me nervous.
Ticket Puncher
It’s an old train.
Stay At Home Comedian
You do realize Metronorth is the Orient Express compared to Long Island Railroad amigo?

Milo, Alex Jones and Farrakhan go to an Oxygen Bar.
Because Farrakhan doesn’t drink, Alex Jones always needs a breather and Milo wants to prove he’s not above cruising for hairless Persian men.

I can’t stand Ann Coulter. She gives herself way too much credit for being a strained, wannabe be laugh out loud culture commentator at large. Still, I admire her for calling out the Jew hating, ANTIFA rooting, demented NY Times

How can anyone with a brain claim the US was better off as Obama as President?

He nuke gifted Iran.

Neutered the military.

Pushed hands up don’t shoot.

Ignored ISIS.

Got cops killed.

Killed off Fashion Police forever.

Trump is a Russian agent. And Robert Dinero is considered a formidable intellectual left to his own facilities without Marty.

How can you hate the movie Rudy? That’s like hating Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny.

Most passive aggressive suicide note goes to Kate Spade.

It read. It’s not your fault. Dad will explain.

Dad screams. Explain what? I was the one you couldn’t stand to live with 1 second longer. What a bag of shit Kate.

EXT. HOUSE
Salem Fence Owner
You got a good looking kid.
Stay At Home Comedian
He’s only allowed to leave the house in high school with a back pack full of pre-poundage consent forms.

Salem Fence Owner laughs long time.

Are stay at home moms ever asked, no daycare today? Because men shouldn’t bother getting their hands dirty on the home front during 9 to 5 working hours. Kids are best served with 1 hour of face time with dad per day max.

INT. BEDROOM-PM

Son
Make out with Owly.

Stay At Home Comedian pretends to make out with his son’s new stuffed animal Owly.

Son
Daddy, Owly is a boy.

Stay At Home Comedian
I’m not as wise and all knowing as Bill Maher.

INT. Salem Fence
Assistant
No daycare today.
Stay At Home Dad
Unless you know of a funnier daycare worker than me, I’m not interested.
Funnier dad, happier baby. I’m sure your kid matches the gleam of my son’s glorious light.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

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