Zero Love for Ayesha Curry

Mompreneurs are so not hot right now, according to Ayesha Curry.

Nobody checks her out anymore because her mother in law hasn’t gained a pound since giving birth to chipmunk chucker in the nineties.

At least cutie pie Brandon Jennings called her “beautiful” and told her to stop tripping. It’s not like she has to audition for groupie number 1 on Empire to pay the bills anymore.

Ayesha Curry claims to have had zero clue what a big deal Steph Curry was until attending his 1st high school basketball game. I’m sure she confused him for the ball boy at MSG like a biracial Marv Albert.

But why doesn’t Ayesha Curry get any attention from male groupies ever into her Ayesha’s Home Kitchen on the Food Network?

Because any guy who watched it in the bay area paid more attention to the high production value interior design, Steph’s mom’s highlights and her hubby’s petite size nuts under his under armor inside.

Immigration is the most important issue to Ayesha Curry because her parents are from Jamaica. She’s like Kamala Harris minus the Ann Taylor store credit.

Ayesha Curry has no problem with her husband writing an Op-Ed defending professional athlete’s right to take a knee in protest of police brutality. Glamorized NBA House Wife Chef please. Your husband looks whiter than Obama biking in Martha’s Vineyard. If Stephen Curry gets harassed by the bay area cops, it’s for summer barbeque bikini pics of his mom for their own personal beat it stick stash.

John Bon Jovi married his high school sweetheart. I don’t recall her ever bitching about all the mad groupie love shoved in her face for 4 decades straight. And I thought Betty Draper on Mad Men had self-esteem issues. Plus, I don’t recall Don Draper making his wife the face for Virginia Slim to make her feel better about her fledglings sex pot, stay at home mom status. Stop giving not so needy, NBA wives a bad name girlfriend.

Am I an asshole for insisting you can’t call yourself a true Mompreneur? When you can afford full time day care from 8-6 five days a week and have local grandparents to dump the kids off to any weekend you like.

Of course Ayesha Curry’s cookbook, The Seasoned Life, has nothing but 5 star ratings on Amazon. I’m sure her husband turning down the honor of visiting the White House had 0.0 to do with it.

I love how in a post Obama universe, the NBA exists as a safe space for LeBron’s James punctured ego while Harper Collins got Ayesha’s back, to project the veneer she’s busier than your average housewife and just as important to celebrate on social media than Michelle’s Obama increasingly justifiable, big brained, high minded scowl.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

One thought on “Zero Love for Ayesha Curry

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