Mom thinks I’ve had it easy because I married Natalia at 32 and been an on again, off again, she male house wife since.
But mom pushed marriage on me to conceal my fruitier side.
You already dumped a fiancé once, one week before your wedding.
So following through with marrying your second fiancé in three years, won’t uproot your bad karma contamination, rotting your soul.
Plus, you’re a pagan hedonist worshiper like Bill Maher. So you don’t believe in the holy union of marriage, when you worship your nose candy whims more than blowing your last shot at earning bad karma reversal points in your favor.
1 kid only means, your fiance is for walls after all. She’s a fake news, open borders globalist. Just want to make sure you know what you’re marrying into bro.
And don’t act like you can’t find another girl your age with HPV in New York City before vaccinations went viral.
Don’t be a victim of cyber bullying like Kevin Durant.
All you see on Facebook is friends baby pics, married Baby Boomer selfies and Trump is racist memes because he takes Dennis Rodman’s calls.
What annoys you now, will only get worse.
And then, you stop smoking weed.
And your tolerance for being called edgy because your wife does nothing spectacular to honor your book release becomes dramatically less.
Mom thinks you’re getting married because you don’t want to be alone.
I thought it was because of your incessant need for special attention, based on your driving selfie picks on Facebook alone.
How will you explain your wife’s anxiety disorder to your daughter?
Mommy is like Kevin Love but never got to pick a stronger supporting cast to play with.
Getting married at 39 gives me the sense, if you waited this long, you’re heart was into marriage in the first place like talks of you only having one kid, which sounds twice as ridiculous.
If being a slut in a straight jacket doesn’t sound like a total downer.
Mom thinks your love for Jane can grow like James Earl Jones arranged wife did in Coming To America. But she was Nubian royalty and beamed ivory white teeth compared to Jane.
Do you want the extent of your sex life to be jerk off alone time, after forcing your wife to bed early like Dad?
Granted, Dad never graduated past Topless Tudors on Showtime After Dark but still.
Actually, my world will still revolve around my wife and three kids after you get married and have mom and dad parade you around like their clear favorite no matter what. So what difference does it make?