Filling Out My Own Father’s Day Card

Daddy, what’s an anti-oxidant?

Bitter foods supposed to play a prevent defense on disease attacks explaining why Kale pesto has become a thing now.

Bitter bile from the NY Times only accelerates Trump Derangement Syndrome.

Brainstorming color schemes with my wife for our home entrance way.

What about rose red?

Wife says. It feels juvenile to me.

I reply. What does losing your virginity to Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews have to do with it?

Speech opener for my brother’s August wedding. God has given my brother more second shots than George Steinbrenner offered Steve Howe.

My Dad Wrote A Porno has gotten 150 million downloads.

But it’s a porno that takes place in England, gross.

Unless JK Rowling is getting titty blasted by Guy Ritchie, I’m not interested, in her snatch shots that is.

Hope Hicks is so hot, John Cryer wouldn’t cry if he walked into her dressing room at CBS by mistake, with Chuck Lorre wearing his finest platform shoes from the 70’s show for her dream cameo in the Big Bang Theory as a MAGA Bot sex doll come to life.

Jonah Goldberg so wants insult king praise from Scott Adams. Not that I give a shit about Scott Adam’s zero laugh out loud generating prose or ugly cartoons. But to insinuate Trump is anything less than a master insult slayer is jealous dumb.

EXT. Lakeside Field Club
Mom
Field Club equals gentiles.
Do It All Dad
Your Jewish friends are so wonderful?
Besides Nancy, because she’s more into inspirational leaders like Trump than empty, sociopaths pantsuits like Hillary.

EXT. Lakeside Field Club
Mom
Field Club equals gentiles.
Do It All Dad
Your Jewish friends are so wonderful?
They still subscribe to the NY Times.
Also, you didn’t call me on my birthday from Israel. So, stop acting so high and mighty.

EXT. Lakeside Field Club
Mom
Field Club equals gentiles.
Do It All Dad
Your Jewish friends are so wonderful?
All you do is bitch how Joan thinks buying second hand cloths is beneath her, which you find galling because she’s from the Bronx. Would you say the same thing about Ellen Barkin?Obviously banging Ron Perlman for the money wasn’t beneath her.

INT. HOME
Wife
You filled out the Father’s Day card I never had to time to fill out for you. As long as your pleased with yourself.
Do It All Dad
What a kind of do it all dad would I be if I didn’t fill out a Father’s Day card in my honor? Plus, you’re always telling me how I’m the writer in the relationship, not you.

Michael Kornbluth

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