Southern Accents Dreaming

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sarah Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
I think she just needed to unplug from Twitter, deweed her garden and troll Michelle’s Wolf with Dirty Sanchez emoji’s on Cinco De Mayo for shits and giggles.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
She knew Ivanka would fight for paid maternity leave on her behalf.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
To give her husband a big time mooch for holding down the chicken coup without her.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Better grit selection down south despite the gentrification of brunch spots in our nation’s capital.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
She wanted to give her own children the baroness treatment.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Laura Ingraham’s claiming Dennis Hopper’s performance was overrated in Hoosiers, insisting he stick to dropping acid, rubbed her the wrong way.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
She got tired of taking off her heels every time Don Junior entered the room.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
She wasn’t thrilled with her kids getting into soap operas on Telemundo with the help behind her back.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Three kids at once are harder to please than two woman in a three way, when you suck at multi-tasking.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Shelter from hate stares at Soul Cycle on K Street.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Kellyanne Conway is worse off.
I don’t see her rushing home to get smooshed by George in the sack.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Tip off Ice Agents to Michelle’s Wolf’s house in the Hollywood Hills, next time she’s in the mood for a Dirty Sanchez.

INT. POST OFFICE
Mail Man
Why do you think Sanders left?
Do It All Dad
Can you blame her for wanting to take the summer off in Arkansas with her kids? Only fried shrimps summer in the Hamptons. I’d be southern accents dreaming to.

Michael Kornbluth

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