Hillary Knows Cybersecurity

Picking Hillary Clinton as the keynote speaker for a Cybersecurity Summit is like Shawn Kemp teaching a seminar on pulling out in a parody of Tom Cruise from Magnolia by the Duplass Brothers.

But seriously, why is Hillary Clinton getting paid to give a speech at the Cybersecurity Summit via Skype next door to her comprised, yet quaint server farm in her Chappaqua home? Was the CEO of Sony too consumed with assuring Kevin Hart they wouldn’t shortchange him and pay him to plug his movies to his Twitter followers.

Hillary Clinton speaking at a Cybersecurity summit is like R Kelly getting paid to babysit the latest Kardashian out of the womb.

Will Hillary be giving a seminar on how to throw off FBI investigators looking into emailing Top Secret intel to dummy non-work email addresses like yourmamaobama@gmail.com?

Hilary giving a speech on Cybersecurity is like hiring Kevin Durant as the keynote speaker on how drain out the noise of Cyberbullying.

Who decides to pay Hillary Clinton to give a speech on Cybersecurity exactly? Did the CEO of Norton Anti-Virus feel he owed her for failing to block out Anthony Weiner’s personal dick pick posing stash from the feds?

What was the Cybersecurity roundtable thinking, allowing Hillary Hammer Time Cankles to be a featured speaker their summit? Only Charlie Sheen whiffed more at the AVN Adult Entertainment expo because only Magic made HIV disappear.

Paying good money to hear Queen Hillary give you a dissertation on password protection is like peeing money away on a golden shower based Russian dossier with less legs than Lieutenant Dan.

How is Hillary a respected authority on Cybersecurity again? I thought only Lorne Michaels gave paid host spots to Seth Myers in the form of participation trophies for coming across as a forgettable, humorless, blood draining boring stiff on SNL.

Michael Kornbluth

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