Hot For Son In Law’s Brother

My parents are so selfish, they pushed for my family of 5 to move next to them in Arizona for east coast heat wave weather stretched out to 4 months a year. And had no plans to up the AC to drown out Uni Brow Maddow whenever we visit.

My love for the Knicks has been reduced to bemused, preverse scorn. Now, I’m aroused at MJ wrecking the Allan Houston, not every shot was so pretty Knicks on YouTube in 1997.

Giving my wife grief on purpose via text.
I’m not rubbing it in. But none of the kids are sun burnt from yesterday nor have they made any reference to their skin catching fire yet.

Planned Wedding Party speech for my younger brother.

My brother’s mother-in-law Honey, compelled my mother to pretend all the wonderful emotive superlatives Honey showered in my honor were an extension of her own sincere feelings about me.

This is me freaking out locals at the pool as I smash my 2 year old son’s knees into water after hoisting him up high in air, again and again.

Breaking baby.

More convincing pump fake.

Baby Samuel headbutts the sky.

Typhoon alert part 2.

INT. POOL
English Kid
Your baby looks like a girl.
Do It All Dad
Yes, my son without make up is hotter than David Bowie minus being overtly glitzy creepy.
And Eddie Izzard is gross, make up on or off, Piers Morgan included on or off the Telly.
There’s nothing worse than the Kindle kid take away scream.

I thought Kelly Osbourne made entitled bitchery sink to new deplorable lows on Fashion Police.

My mom in Tahoe warping reality again over the phone.

In Tahoe, I always think of our time here with you and Natalia.

Before you disinvited us 2 kids later because my stay at home dad of shame didn’t warrant a family retreat.

Diversity is our strength. Like Michelle Obama invited Joan Rivers to the White House for Sponge Cake to break her Yom Kippur fast, she hulk scowl please.

Diversity isn’t always great because me marrying a gentile, resulted in my unhuggable cunt mother in law force feeding communion wafers down my Jew blood infused kids behind my back, which isn’t kosher in our book Michelle.

INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
I always get. Your daughter looks like your twin. I reply. Yeah, once, I grossed out my daughter and said, “My DNA is all over your face.”

Younger brother’s future in-laws laugh long time.

EXT. BARBEQUE
Brother’s Future Father In Law
I respect your tenacity.
Do It All Dad
Your mom admitting in a letter she’ll never show an interest in your writing career propels your love of joke slinging into ridiculous speed.

INT. HOME
Honey
This Pixar movie had this sensual love making scene on a beach in Cuba.
Do It All Dad
Saying adios to Burt Lancaster’s hairy spine was a welcome relief.

Honey laughs long time.

INT. HOME
Brother’s Future Mother-In-Law
Move the flowers out of the way, so I can stare Michel’s handsome face.
Do It All Dad
My younger brother isn’t dealing well with me being your dream celebrity lay in the making Honey.

INT. HOME
Wife
The kids are sun burnt to a crisp.
Do It All Dad
Their skin is being burnt alive as we speak despite me using lotion twice. But you nit pick because you hate I how entertained and bonded with your 3 kids during a heat wave without you.

INT. LAKE CLUB POOL
Old School Cool Jew
There’s ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Do It All Dad
I never mastered the art of the pump fake. All my dad taught me was a half formed hook shoot.

Old School Cool Jew laughs long time.

Michael Kornbluth

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