Grandma Blanking on Birthplaces

On the phone with mom.

Which hospital was Arthur born in again?

The one you sent jack shit to.

Which hospital was Arthur born in again?

The building with newborn babies on the Upper East Side, you showed zero rush to visit despite your future scheduled flight but that’s not important right now.

INT. HARVEST MOON
Hack Dude
John Legend is more talented than Kayne West.
Do It All Dad
Yeah, I’m not sitting in the deep valley sun to hear John Legend give a sermon on anything but how to drown out his chicken head wife to moonlight sonatas in his head.

For a sec, I thought Jeremy Lin was trending because of #ChristianPrivilege. God forbid the Knicks resign the classier, still active, Bay area point legend, not being chipmunk chucker. I’ll never forgive JR Smith for running the Golden Child out of town because he couldn’t accept Jeremy Lin clogging up the driving bike lane all for himself.

Can’t Jeremy Lin play in China and emasculate Marbury if he wanted to? Enough with all the sob stories in his honor. He owned the Garden for a bit and didn’t have to demand get in the bandwagon. Plus, Harvard grads are popular on LinkedIn.

INT. HOME-AM
Wife
I’m making hard boiled eggs. I know how much you hate them.
Do It All Dad
So I won’t expect a gooey, runny ending to our time on the couch tonight after the kids are in bed then?

INT. HOME-AM
Wife
This pen could’ve ruined my Lilly Pulitzer cloths. It’s just another broken promise from you.
Do It All Dad
I promised to be thrilled at the prospect of you having to conceal your sagging legs with Lilly Pulitzer.

INT. HOME-AM
Wife
You’re so lucky this pen didn’t ruin my Lilly Pulitzer cloths. I knew you’d get defensive.
Do It All Dad
How can I be defensive if I apologized for almost ruining your cloths with my pens again for doing laundry you don’t?

INT. POOL
Do It All Dad
Your brother dove like an Avatar.
You dove like an Olympic hopeful in training.
Daughter
Well you dive like a knock kneed girl on the rag.
You can’t tuck me in for a whole month.

EXT. HARVEST MOON FARM
Do It All Dad
When are you do?
Nosy Husband Of Pregnant Woman
Did say what do you do?
Do It All Dad
I know you paid off all her debt and make 300K plus, so she doesn’t have to do Jack shirt anymore Champ.

Don King was the Jussie Smollet riot inciting instigator of the 90’s in a Nike jumpsuit. Sharpton tried to frame NYPD cops for a rape, feces involved, fake news hate crime. But Obama celebrated Al for this distinction.

Brainstormed story titles to write for a Jewish parenting site, Kveller.

Trade Mother In Law’s, Dream On

My Jewish Daughter Identifies as Hindu

Grandma Blanking on Birthplaces

Force Feeding Communion Isn’t Kosher

Defending My Jewishness on Christmas

What does that even mean calling Trump a Rat? Last time I checked, Presidents working for free, aren’t cheddar chasing, political whores for hire. But Trump’s the king rat in the nut cracker. He’s the Twitter king of cracking wise, I’ll give you that much.

Completion of the wall is an imminent reality now, Mueller was exposed for the deep state pawn that he is. US farmers, vets, legal Latino voters love Trump. Economy roars on. But backing Jew haters and calling Trump a Rat, will get grope a dope elected, morons.

When Lebron loses to Kawhi this year, what will the excuse be now?

He’s a pass 1st super star, more in the mold of disappearing Magic Johnson. Who thought dumping off to Uni Brow for a deep three with one second on the clock in the 4th will do the trick.

Still on the phone with mom.

Arthur and Matilda will be in Delaware for Baba camp. But that’s when I’m going to be back east. Will baby Samuel be there at least?

You really do resent him for making annual appearances back east look bad.

But I’ll make sure baby Samuel feels more than a giveaway constellation prize.

INT. HOME-AM
Wife
You’re so lucky this pen didn’t ruin 500 dollars worth of my Lilly Pulitzer cloths.
Do It All Dad
Don’t worry baby. I’ll write us out of the red eventually.

Michael Kornbluth

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