My Daughter Identifies As Hindu

Chicago police investigated Jussie Smollet’s hate hoax too vigorously. What did they do? Google MAGA country. Interrogate Jussie about his personal business. Describe your casting couch scene with Lee Daniels. You wouldn’t cross that line, how precious.

Sasha Obama breaking the ice with her roommate at the University of Michigan in their dorm room for freshman orientation.

I get high with my dad. On it, he sounds like a fake news deep, biracial, Bob Marley.

Sasha’s roommate from yenta breath country in Long Island replies.

Yeah, so why haven’t you grown into your mom’s shoulder pads yet? Did your strict almond smoothie diet stunt your growth in the White House? I don’t get it. You’re not going to put up a signed Rolling Stone cover of the squad over my Fab Five one are you?

AOC claims millennials are willing to puncture more taboos than previous generations such as likening border detention facilities to accelerated death camps for starters. The showers in Auschwitz were used for more than lice removal babe.

AOC also claims millennials are more willing to have conversations older generations don’t. You know like whether Henry David Thoreau’s was a lesser poet than Chuck D despite both having supportive mama’s. Who raised them around trees instead of fire escapes.

Wife calls after just leaving for work.

Wife

How are you guys doing?

Do It All Dad

The kids are no longer crying for your attention. But the pizza you made is yummy. Can I go back to enjoying it again because you already feel my annoyance?

INT. HOME

Son

Matilda took a dump on the floor.

Do It All Dad

Maybe, she was impersonating a blacked out Sam Kinison. Either way, leave me alone, clean it up and stop making my alleged break from parenting you a total shit show.

INT. HOME-AM

Baby

Mama, mama.

Do It All Dad

There’s nothing mama can’t do that the Wonder Pets can’t do better. Wonder Pets save the Rat Pack baby. Vince Vaughn ain’t got shit on me.

My daughter’s way more sensitive to her baby brother’s moaning than I am. Baby cries Mama. And she starts praying to Vishnu, to put her baby brother’s spirit in touch with Mama, when she’s at work. So I can get inspired to write Hebrew or Hindu?, already.

Proof your son believes in you winning. Dada, I see hand prints on your book. The hotel guys definitely took a peak at it.

Michael Kornbluth

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