Linked To CNN and Homemakers

Scene: Text exchange with an old work bud. Taking your kid to a Phish show could wear him out. It’s nothing a can of CBD Seltzer to the head can’t solve. It had the opposite impact on my son in Vermont. Just like daddy, he gets extra talky on it.

Daughter’s new friend ad for daddy posted in Town and Country. New friend needed for Daddy. Interests include writing, reading, complaining about Mama, getting laughs and buying more vinyl rock records we don’t have room for according to Mama.

They should rename Coffee With Comedians to we didn’t join Second City to do funny Improv off the cuff for a reason.

INT. HOME

Son

Have you sent your book to Trump yet?

Do It All Dad

Yeah, I’m hoping he decides to give Do It All Dad Does Jokes a book plug on Twitter, so Michael Savage feels like an asshole for never responding to my A plus material.

Giving an 8 year old lent Library books is the most insensitive gift ever. Her library isn’t even local to us. Plus, you strip gift giving of all fun for a kid whenever there’s an expected return of arrival. It’s like a recess pass for books.

INT. HOME

Wife

Why do the kids want to do chores all of a sudden?

Do It All Dad

Because according to you a rampant rodent problem is on the horizon whenever I make a late night snack. And they don’t want daddy to start yelling at you again.

INT. Pizzeria-Carmel, NY

Do It All Dad

Who gives a shit about the Dodgers? Fernando Valenzuela was exciting ages ago. Oh, you were just answering my question about who the Yankees were going to play in the World Series, my bad.

LinkedIn says I’d be in the top 10 percent if I applied for a job at CNN. Yeah, I’d rather be indexed under homemaker on their worldwide resume database. At least homemakers, don’t sling servings of poisonous shit soup for a living.

Michael Kornbluth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s