Billion Dollar Brain

EXT. Home

Daughter

The worst thing about Wasps is they don’t die after they sting you.

Do It All Dad

Mama thinks I might be allergic to Wasps but I don’t break out in hives during Easter egg hunts in Delaware.

I hate alumni from Ithaca College because they always tense when I start a chat. I graduated Ithaca in 99. You know Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor. Ithaca alum responds, “I don’t have any Ivy League Illuminati connections on LinkedIn. So fuck off already.”

My wife sucking at parenting. Amber alert blares from my wife’s phone. She explains to our 8 year old daughter. It’s the child abduction alert dear. I say. But dissapproving of Sanctuary Cities that prevent ICE from deporting thèse animals is racist.

Toronto Star claims Trudeau black’s face is as Canadian as hockey. Too bad, nobody is ever confusing for him for the great one. At least Obama, is feeling better about himself today. Hey Michelle, the fruity Canuck makes me look like Richard Pryor.

Amber alert blares from my wife’s phone. She explains to our daughter. It’s the child abduction alert dear. Daughter freaks. I put my Second City Improv training to work. Yes but thèse alerts are caused by Hélicoptèr Moms with nothing better to do.

When I ask Alexa to play Hair Metal power ballads, she fucks with my fading sense of maturity by playing Hair Metal ballads gone lullaby. So I never outgrew my age of innocence. At least I don’t try to act young by sending dic pics to torn up muff Jeff.

When I ask Alexa to play Hair Metal power ballads, she fucks with my fading sense of maturity by playing Hair Metal ballads gone lullaby. So I never outgrew my age of innocence. At least I don’t send dic pics to torn up muff, éligible for Medicare Bezos.

When I ask Alexa to play Hair Metal power ballads, she fucks with me and plays Hair Metal ballads gone lullaby. So I never outgrew my childhood. At least I don’t send dic pics to stay current Bezos. She’s only old enough to play Selena Gomez’s grandmother.

INT. MORNING-AM

Do It All Dad

What do you think of Nat King Cole?

Daughter

Wimpy.

Do It All Dad

Come to think of it. Nat King Cole is guilty of appropriating Jewish produced, schmaltzy Broadway bound ballads for a living.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Enchiladas are rolled up corn tortillas in a red or green sauce with melted cheese on top.

Daughter

No, Enchilada is my vagina.

Do It All Dad

No, that’s my code word for your private part to put some undies on after the bubble.

My wife sucking at parenting. Amber alert blares from my wife’s phone. She explains to our 8 year old daughter. It’s the child abduction alert dear. Daughter begins to freak. I say. Mama ruined your innocence more than Family Guy with Dada did.

Saw Paper Tiger. Spoiler alert, Burr holding his daughter on an empty stage in Royal Albert Hall was an amazing payoff. It’s a very powerful, beautiful image. Burr really loves being a family man. Got to love him for it. Still, I laughed zéro times throughout.

Russell Brand Rebirth starts off real strong. He’s more poetic sounding than Hicks and doesn’t come off as a pontificating sour puss who never got laid after shows in the midwest. Brand’s act outs to make his comédic points with solid, funny punchlines are great. Last, he’s an ultra colorful expressionst and never droll dumpy like Ricky Gervais mate.

DeBlasio ended his campaign for President of the United States. What happened? Think Tanks in DC decided his wife wasn’t 1st lady material. The report stating, she makes Michelle Obama come off a gracious, classy, non disbarred altruist in XL shoulder pads.

What’s your favorite Climate Strike protest sign?

China Isn’t Helping

Cannibalism Reduces Your Carbon Footprint

September Should be More Temperate

CNN Is Boiling Hot Over It’s Rating

Jimmy Carter Is Pro Nuclear Power In the Hands of The Shah.

So it’s treason when Trump speaks with a foreign leader. But when Obama authorizes the shipment of 175 billion to Iran without congressional approval, he’s known as just another Jihadist downplaying, Holocaust denier Farrakhan clone with better complexion.

The rise in white supremacist violence is a top threat. Sure, if Sanctuary Cities order cops to stay still as the activist media encourages ANTIFA’s ironic use of violence to pummel gay Vietnamese journalists who have a byline in the National Review.

White House chat between Trump and Mark Zuckerberg.

You’re banning plastic water bottles at Facebook Mark? I didn’t know Fuji water encouraged hate speech against fake news Hawaiians like Obama. If Obama was scandal free, I’m allergic to high end trim.

INT. HOME-9PM

Tired daughter whimpers.

Daughter I feel like you don’t love me anymore.

Do It All Dad

But according to mama I’m a narcissist and you’re my funnier, sweeter twin, so that’s literally impossible Billion Dollar Brain.

Michael Kornbluth

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