High Schooler Hoody

INT. RESTAURANT

Wife

Send your writing to right wing websites.

Do It All Dad

Like the National Review? They publish op-eds by Kyle Smith, Rich Lowry and and Jonah Goldberg. 3 Twerps and a bottle of lube, because nobody else is stroking their writing off long time.

INT. HOME

Daughter

Daddy, why must we drift away and die?

Do It All Dad

Don’t quote Axl Rose at 8 years old Matilda. Also, I thought you identified as Hindu now. And Hindus believe in reincarnation.

Daughter

But you won’t look good as a bearded unicorn Dada.

EXT. HOME

Daughter

(Upset)

Mama, you’re working tonight.

Crying persists as Mama continues to play with her phone.

Do It All Dad

Calm down our daughter babe.

Wife

Don’t tell me how to parent.

Do It All Dad

But you think a Nanny in my absence will work.

The Irishman is already being hailed as a masterpiece. I wish it came with an alternate cut where I could just hear Joe Pesci and have the dumb mook’s voice on mute.

INT. WINE SHOP
Worker
Bag?
Do It All Dad
Screw you Greta. I don’t care for the environment. You’re stealing my daughter’s age of innocence. Lucky for my daughter, I’m on brainwash expungement detail.

INT. HOME

Wife

Don’t upstage the Albanian kid in gym. The dad will have your knee caps broken.

Do It All Dad

And I’m the one with an oversharing problem. What mama meant, is Albanian men normally aren’t nice Jewish boys who write poetry from Westchester County.

Rashida Tlaib’s campaign is selling Impeach the Mother Fucker shirts. It would be funny if Trump already secured a patent for the expression. Trump tweets. You can’t profit off the stable genius, Trump aura. I’m suing you for copyright infringement, a brainy beauty, you’re not babe.

In NYC you can be fined 250K for dehumanizing an Illegal Alien with “No speak English.” Whose translating these insults for Juan exactly? Now Illegal Aliens in NYC are given a driving license to vote and a hate speech translator to bankrupt Apu at a bodega in Flushing.

My son is gorgeous. He’s not leaving for junior high without his Kiss back pack stuffed with primo poundage consent forms. Girl asks. What’s a primo poundage consent form? Son says. Sign here if you have no control of yourself around me. And want to hump me every day.

INT. Home

Son

Dada, you look like you’re in high school in that hoody.

Do It All Dad

Are you calling me a High Schooler Hoody?

Son laughs long time.

Michael Kornbluth

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