Crazy For Expecting Something

My daughter being perfect. The Bible should say respect your son if your father and mother are to be honored and treated with the same dignity in return. Not feed your drug addict brother more lies about you being a delusional hack Dada. Not her exact words.

I’m sorry Lord but when you encourage your wife not to rush home after attending a baby shower in Long Island. It’s still an insensitive move, to not even give a text update after nightfall. Especially knowing I’ve been on weekend kid detail for 3 years straight.

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

Despite Uncle John’s fake news labeling. How can I feel like a loser when you 3 kids plead for me to sit on you, just to get closer to me than we already are?

INT. Car

Do It All Dad

If you worked on a Lego creation for a whole year. Only for your baby bro Samuel to shrug after knocking it down. You’d be crazy not to be angry, right? Well, that’s what Uncle John did for showing no interest in the NY Post reviewing my book.

Text Off:

Brother

Everybody was embarrassed by your speech.

Do It All Dad

Because I mentioned putting a Kibosh on a love triangle between your wife and mother in law? Because that’s not even kosher in Bill Maher’s book. Also, I had no mike. I’m sure it was accidental.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

You’re mentally unstable.

Do It All Dad

Because I predicted Trump would win? Urged Dad to invest in Google pre-IPO? Or doubled down on myself after my daughter was born and fulfilled my dream of writing for TV at Viacom? Clarify Mueller.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

I can’t wait to tell your kids what a loser you are, when they get older.

Do It All Dad

In my gold Porsche SUV? Otherwise known as my Comedy Gold Mobile. As you do coke into your fifties. Good luck with that Sir Snort A Lot.

Situation: Text Off

Brother I watched the video. Everybody was offended by your wedding speech.

Do It All Dad

Because I admitted to my DNA being all over my daughter’s face? Or was it making fun of you face timing your friend in bed before bed? Quote my material man.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

Sorry bro. Was jerking off to the future of the NY Giants.

Do It All Dad

I just told you the book editor for the NY Post is looking at my book and got a goonish reply. But I’m crazy for thinking you care about me making it as a writer.

Michael Kornbluth

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