The House That Gentrification Built

AOC hating on Brooklyn hipsters. Williamsburg is Disneyland for Hipsters. It used to be, Miss Yorktown Heights, but this was ages ago, back when Lena Dunham had much skinnier arms and wasn’t so full of herself.

Now AOC doesn’t want white hipsters dancing on the same steps as the Joker did because they’re in the boogie down Bronx. Stop acting like an old school g AOC, who threw batteries at Jim Rice before the House of Gentrification was built, Miss Yorktown Heights.

Kayne West for President in 2024? Boy, would that piss Obama off. He made Jesus Walks, ain’t never going to hell. Kim passed the bar. Criminal Justice Lawyers are so hot right now.

Joe Rogan blasting the practice of Trans athletes competing against woman. They’re shattering every record. Men never come out as Trans Girl Athletes. Would you want your daughter trading blows with a Cyborg with tits in the Octagon?

What’s going to be Bloomberg’s campaign slogan exactly? I’ll work for free also. I’ve already bled Wall Street with my overpriced Bloomberg terminals for all their worth.

Facebook removed all articles mentioning the whistle blower’s identity. Like Hillary’s people are going take him out like Epstein, resister, twitter twats please.

University of Florida students want the student body president impeached over the Don. Jr. visit. Since, when do students there care about anything but pounding Coors Light? Because they’re easy to pound like yenta’s from Long Island on Spring Break.

Stephen King proving why he’s overrated. “Everybody knows Trump is dumb as a fence post.” Are you filling out stadiums for readings of Pet Sematary? Despite your 5.2 million Twitter followers sounding like hysterical cat ladies 24/7.

INT. HOME

Wife

Will have to get another gift for the birthday party.

Do It All Dad

I’ll have to get another gift for the party because I can’t rely on my wife to read the fine print on Evite’s while I’m trying to make the universe laugh for a living.

ABC is preparing a series inspired by female Obama staffers. Does Valerie Jarrett count, knowing she actually lives with him now? You know, the main drafter of the Iran Deal, Obama’s Arabian Horse Whisperer. Now, that’s funny Roseanne.

My wife failing at being empathetic. So, you only have 1 full day to work next week. When you start making more money, we can hire help for the baby. You’re still not getting the kids ready during morning’s you can help anyway babe.

My mother in law used her fake news cancer scare to guilt her daughter into getting her Jew blood tainted granddaughter baptized. Before I meet Jesus, get my granddaughter baptized. Don’t let your Jew demon husband cock block her way into Heaven.

De Blasio insists anti-cop sentiment is a right wing conspiracy. Because becoming a face of a sanctuary city for 8 million people, means you have law and order’s back in addition to actual American citizens no matter what.

De Blasio insists anti-cop sentiment is a right wing conspiracy. Because doing dick to stop entitled Generation Z, Subway Skipper Riders to punch cops for enforcing the law gives that impression putz breath.

NY Post, stop with the Knicks had no choice but to trade KP. You always have a choice, Sean Spicer’s choice of dance partners at the Sky Bar in West Hollywood, not so much.

Amber Heard requested her ex Johnny Depp submit to a mental health evaluation. Hunter did say it best. Actors like to hang out with me because of my gun collection. Actors like to play with guns.

Smoking weed became a mental strain once my daughter started asking super hard questions to answer on it. Daddy, if God created the universe, who created God? God went back in time, in a time machine made by Elon Musk. Thanks for making me an atheist at 4 dad.

Michael Kornbluth

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