The Virtual Realtor

Louie CK made a donation to the Biden campaign only for it to be returned in a plastic bag containing Sarah Silverman’s crusty old hoodie.

Weed shops shouldn’t be essential places of business during the #coronavirus. But what if you have a prescription for cancer. Fine, air drop them ounces to hold them over on their doorstep. But this isn’t the best time to exacerbate your stoner cough dude.

I’m sick of the aw from woman whenever I post anything nice in their honor on social media. Why can’t a man in this day and age give a sincere compliment or emotive homage without being branded as sappy gay about it?
Marc Cuban is so deep. He says, “Once the #CoronavirusOutbreak is over, will all be OK.” Really, even after the deep state, the DNC and China’s man made virus failed to crater the economy forever before or after Trump wins by landslide in 2020.

Bin Laden wanted to take out Obama so Joe cold take over, because he was the dunz puppet. I’m calling fake news bullshit. Obama’s nuke gifting Iran deal, Benghazi and need to blame anti-Islam videos, portraying ISIS as more than a JV squad prove otherwise.

Richard Marx told Variety he’d rather have Jefferey Dahmer in the White House than the big, blond, wolf because his following on Twitter dwarfs in comparison and he can barely hold on through the night. He can’t even score a cameo on the Goldberg’s.

Richard Marx charging Trump supporters of being brain washed morons only has a validity from the standpoint of him knowing Gen X kids were easily duped to watch his 2 hit videos on MTV that summer because the Beach Boys hadn’t released Kokomo yet.

Ruth Chris steakhouse says it’s repaying a small business federal loan. Big deal, so you recouped your expenditure on gazillion tons of butter needed to make your overrated steaks appear more high end scrumptious than Morton’s Steakhouse, yay.
#ElijahWood is trending on Twitter. God forbid it be because John Podesta’s pedo installation art work enough to make Marilyn Manson blush, had some jail implicating consequences. Corey Feldman was stabbed right after he said he’d name names, just saying.

Dear God,

You made me a long winded Jew, not me. Still, I know my father could care what I have to say in my Great American Jew Novel, but it feels like he cares more about how his favorite son comes off. Call me crazy, but well founded paranoid Lord.

Dear God,

Just to be clear, I don’t mean to disrespect thy father, by passing on his request to read my Great American Jew Novel for, “feedback”, whenever I never asked in the 1st place. Cutting me off during my brother’s wedding speech was enough, sorry.

Dear God,

One last sore point, why would my dad ask me if I’ve been watching the Last Dance mini-series on ESPN? I was the one who tore down my John Starks Dunk poster in disgust when I watched mental toughness from our semi-reliable number 2 dissipate.

Dear God,

How much does my father refuse to accept my true being, if he’s asking me questions about the NFL draft in the age of the Trump kiss ass resistance? Eli is gone and so is my heart in giving a shit, anymore, and that’s that, no offense.

Dear God,

Again, I mean no disrespect to thy mother by pointing how I’m tired of pretending my mother doesn’t hate me for supporting Trump or my dogged desire to become a big deal American writer through me getting my book The Great American Jew Novel backed by a big deal publisher, sorry.

Dear God,

I mean no disrespect to thy father and mother. But something smells rotten in Scottsdale, Arizona if my father after 23 years wants to read my book, a gazillion spec scripts, pilots, blogs, podcasts later, no offense. Hate to be prickly about it.
#coronavirus conversation with dad.
Are you still planning on taking your realtor exam?
My guy went radio silent on me.
Nobody is showing homes now.
You mean selling your main source of net worth, with no income coming in isn’t essential? What a gyp.

Michael Kornbluth

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