Divorce Immunity During Corona

I’m falling in love with wearing masks in public because I look more mysterious like a Jewish preppy banker robber, giving me a much needed scary man edge.

My daughter comes jumping into my arms and says, “I’m sad because I’m scared about mommy divorcing you.” I try to ease her nagging concern and say, “No judge would kick me out the house in the midst of the #CoronavirusOutbreak, Hillary licker or not.

It kills me inside every time I hear from my kids, “I’m bored”, because they’ve been spending limited time with mama away from me while I try to make the online universe laugh for a living. Tired of saying, “Always knew they were quick learners.”

“What’s wrong?”, I ask my daughter. She says, “I found an old photo album and saw a picture where you’re really happy.” I say, “Oh, that pic was taken when mama and I used to live in Brooklyn, when Lena Dunham had much skinnier arms and wasn’t so full of herself.”

“What’s wrong?”, I ask my daughter. She says, “I found an old photo album and saw a picture where you’re really happy.” I say, “Oh, that pic was taken when mama and I used to live in Brooklyn, before Durant signed with the Nets to maintain his low key Gen Y profile.”

“What’s wrong?”, I ask my daughter. She says, “I found an old photo album and saw a picture where you’re really happy.” I say, “Oh, that pic was taken when mama and I used to live in Brooklyn, before Durant signed with the Nets to control his social media narrative.”

What’s wrong?”, I ask my daughter. She says, “I found an old photo album and saw a picture where you’re really happy.” I say, “Oh, that pic was taken when mama and I used to live in Brooklyn, before Durant had enough of Draymond Green’s good luck timing.”

I’d like to feel an urge to pick up the phone when my dad calls, but I can’t shake the feeling there’s an agenda involved, like not showing my mother enough love on my birthday. Or giving my brother a break for calling me a loser for writing 3 books in a year.

China fuming at Australia for encouraging an investigation into the origins of the #CoronavirusOutbreak off the record again. Fucking Australians, they’re too good for bat soup? Even if it’s topped off with their precious sweet chili sauce, which we invented.

China fuming at Australia for encouraging an investigation into the origins of the #CoronavirusOutbreak off the record again. We’re all not blessed with tall, erect spines and glistening white teeth, who tan well. So if some spoiled Aussie dies, he dies.

China fuming at Australia for encouraging an investigation into the origins of the #CoronavirusOutbreak off the record. Fucking Australians, they’re just protectionist, racist, self-centered, egotistical, dumb blond, Trump groupies, who suck at golf.

Voting is the lifeblood of democracy Pelosi? Yeah, for registered Americans, not anyone who pushes for open borders and mail in voting to stay in power and keep your Chunky Monkey freezer stash flush as can be. Regardless how many die on you watch, twitchy.

Enough with you trying to protect the integrity our elections denture breath Pelosi. Putin has nothing on Trump such as a fake news black mail footage of Trump asking 2 Russian call girls to pee on each other. Trump’s a notorious germophobe bitch.

Vote by mail. How does that work exactly for illegals? Will the DNC just mail every illegal who get’s a license at the DMV, a return stamped envelope with a filled in check mark for Democrat in Spanish and a picture of Nancy’s mountain of puta.

Valerie Jarrett, Obama’s live in Arabian horse whisperer, main pusher of the Iran nuke gifting deal, google it, insists Michelle Obama has no interest in the job of Vice President. She he ins’t interested in being Obama’s 5 o clock shadow part 2?

First, Obama compares Trump to Hilter. Relax, sequels never live up the original. Then, he pushes for amnesty for DACA through the meh power of his tweet. Then, on Earth Day, Obama insists climate change will wreck more havoc than the man made corona virus, after finally endorsing good old Joe with a gun pointed at his head by someone from George Soros and company. Obama is slipping, falling and can’t shut up.

A new female centric Star War series from the creator of #RussianDoll is coming out. Cool, maybe now Obama can convince Netflix to bring back the L word. He’s your only hope.

Can Pope Francis stop running his mouth about how we’ve polluted the planet? Stop recycling pedophile priests from one parish to another and you’ll have a recycling bin pulpit to stand on worth listening to father, no offense.

What’s the civil thing to say to your younger brother after he fails to get you a birthday gift of any kind for a solid 40 years straight? We both blanked on our parents 40th wedding anniversary, so you insisting on never birthday gifting me makes it a wash.

Michael Kornbluth

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