The Chinese Cobra Bat

Kylo Ren sounds like a Creative Technologist from Norway on LinkedIn.

The co-leaders of Cobra’s elite troops, the Crimson Twins are Trust Fund Terrorists.

And she’s a feminist, means she thinks men don’t have the right to pull out on top of another girl’s less flabby bottom.

Not wearing masks in public now is the new barebacking. It gives a you heady rush of freedom like doing cocaine in your Vegas hotel room rather than some dumpy townie bar, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall, asking your bud, “Where’s Hunter?”

My family got a series of rabies shots because the FBI planted a Chinese Cobra bat in our house to take-out man-made virus Wuhan truthers like myself who support you know who.
W’s digitally literate librarian wife is helping W post video messages on Twitter now, to cut China some slack because he isn’t a globalist puppet pawn of the most deplorable order.

You’d figure W would paint a picture to get his point across instead of having to talk to a camera again. A picture is worth a thousands words W. Like your dumb ass, stalling for 5000 Mississippi after receiving word of the first tower of the World Trade Center going down on your watch. You know before John Stewart bequeathed the Daily Show to Trevor Noah to showcase his post Obama wokeness.

W posting video Twitter messages is weird. It’s like John Stewart shaving and doing crowd work at Trump Rallies, relishing the larger adoring crowds of yesteryear.

Outside of a cute blond bartender in Bergen, Norway who acts like the Oslo Accords, gives Palestinians the right to use UN money to build death tunnels so they could kidnap and murder Israeli children, ducking more rocket fire over the wall, you never hear anyone these days, admit, “I love Obama.” Comedy Central executives felt the same when they resigned Trevor Noah for the foreseeable future.

The Archbishop of New York, my new favorite Archbishop says, “The left wing, is snotty over my dealings with Trump.” Off the record he tells a reporter at Breitbart, “I never believed in essential, abortions for baby boomer journalists until now.”

My wife says, “The baby get’s bored when he spends too much time around me. I always knew he was a quick learner.

I have 3 kids. I’ve aged well, I know. My wife hasn’t sucked the life out of my face yet. She says, “I’ve sacrificed.” She acts like an aspiring comedian in his late twenties wanted kids ever.

3 kids unplanned kids later, it’s safe to say I never mastered the art of the pump fake.

1 kid only means your diaphragm is for walls after wall.

I stopped smoking weed after I thought my kids were asleep. Because it would take forever for me to answer my daughter’s questions on it. Daughter asks, “Daddy if God created the universe, then who created God? Eventually, I say, “God went back in time in a Time Machine made by Elon Musk.” Daughter says, “Real convincing dad. Thanks for making me an Atheist at 4.”

But God didn’t give me 3 kids to have a panic attack over it. God never had the same confidence in Pete Davidson, the voice of Generation Z. The boy toy rebound king of Manhattan.

4 kids would really piss my parents off, because they’d feel like more ineffectual virtual grandparents than ever before. Lifting a finger is liking a picture on Facebook.

4 kids would really piss my parents off. But I’m scared of getting a vasectomy because I don’t want my ballsack to feel like Edward Scissorhands face.

Michael Kornbluth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s